Really?!!
How much do we really value the lives of our children? So here's a few stats on just childhood deaths that I find heart-breaking:
Around the world, 27–30,000 children die every day.
That is equivalent to:
* 1 child dying every 3 seconds
* 20 children dying every minute
* A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every week
* An Iraq-scale death toll every 15–35 days
* 10–11 million children dying every year
* Over 50 million children dying between 2000 and 2005
Isn't is it so easy to shrug our shoulders and assume everything's OK because
"Hey, I'm a good dad or mum".
Maybe, you don't have any children yourself. It's even more easier to turn a blind eye to the facts. So if all is well in Wonderland, how come so many children die, suffer, being orphaned or are getting abused?
On the other hand, the economic wealth and the level of literacy has never been at these astronomical heights previously in history. Global communication happens practically instantly. Most markets are enjoying unprecented growth.
Is it just me or is something missing in this picture?
If you think your child or the child of a close friend/family is free from suffering, then look again. The UK, one of the world's mighty economic powers, still suffers from the highest rate of teenage pregnancy, for example. Is it because of lack of education? Maybe. Is it because of the lack of money? Perhaps. Is it because of the lack of self worth that our children feel? Most certainly the likely case.
Instead of reeling off reams of statistics (which I'm sure you can dig up for yourself) to prove that today's children are being neglected, I'd like for you to reflect for a few moments on the words of the following song (written by George Benson) - 'The Greatest Love of All'.
If you have a child, then look for just one new step to make their future brighter. Ask yourself,
"How can I do just one thing to make them feel loved and significant?"
Just one....for now. It's a start.
If you don't have a child, but no someone who does, pass the link to this page onto them.
Here's Whitney Houston rendition of 'The Greatest Love of All' during a live performance to one of my childhood heroes, Muhammad Ali.
Keep shining!
Harun
PS If you have 60 seconds to spare, why not help in my research to find out about how dads can have an inspirational relationship with their children. Please note - you do NOT have to be a dad to answer it. As long as you can breathe, your comments are valid.
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
The Amazing Dads Book Preview
Due to numerous requests on how to be an amazing dad, I am now putting together an anthology of stories along with my co-author, Mike Kinnaird, in our brand new book. It is called
However, I cannot create such a powerful book without your help. Therefore, I urge you to get involved in putting together this book by answering a very simple question on my unique website for the book - www.askharun.com.
In order to give you the best stories, I need you to take 60 seconds of your time to help make a difference to thousands of lives. Would you do that for me?
In fact, as a 'thank you', I will send you the first three chapters of the book as my gift to you as soon as it is published. Furthermore, if you tell your friends all about it, I will send you another gift - Being Amazing for Dads audio book so that you can listen to the book in the comfort of your car, MP3 player or hi-fi.
I'm grateful for your support. Many thanks!
Harun Rabbani
Being Amazing for Dads
- How to have an Inspirational Relationship with your Child.
However, I cannot create such a powerful book without your help. Therefore, I urge you to get involved in putting together this book by answering a very simple question on my unique website for the book - www.askharun.com.
In order to give you the best stories, I need you to take 60 seconds of your time to help make a difference to thousands of lives. Would you do that for me?
In fact, as a 'thank you', I will send you the first three chapters of the book as my gift to you as soon as it is published. Furthermore, if you tell your friends all about it, I will send you another gift - Being Amazing for Dads audio book so that you can listen to the book in the comfort of your car, MP3 player or hi-fi.
I'm grateful for your support. Many thanks!
Harun Rabbani
Thursday, 27 September 2007
Praising Your Child
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
It's Never Too Late
Growing up in rural Bangladesh is no mean feat. This was especially the case in the 1940's at the time when the British left a devastated India, where our hero started his journey. Our little hero was the youngest of three sons at the age of 8. He also had two younger sisters of 6 months and 3 years of age.
At around the age of 8, both his parents - an elderly father and an ill mother - died quite suddenly. Growing up with family in that era was tough enough. Being an orphan was traumatising for our hero. His only immediate family were two older brothers of 10 and 12 years of age and the two younger sisters. Every day was survival. At moments, he was being cared for and nurtured by his older brothers. At other times, he was the protector to his younger sisters. His sisters did their bit when they were only tiny. They would cook, clean and look after their brothers.
Our young hero had to learn to be the king of the jungle - and it was like the jungle - survival of the fittest. His sheer aggression and machismo ensured that our superhero (who was actually quite small and frail) helped him to reach the ripe age of 17. At this stage of his life, he took the opportunity to emigrate to Britain and work as a labourer.
Like many of his ex-patriots from the Indian Subcontinent, our hero worked long hours, 6 or 7 days a week and lived in squalid conditions with 18-20 other migrant workers. In 1968, when our hero was 28 years of age, his wedding was arranged to a young Bengali girl from his home country. A year later, he became a father to a son.
If you think, our hero worked hard before, you should have seen him raise his game - he worked longer hours for little pay just to provide for his young family.
18 years and 5 more children later, our hero was losing his eldest son. He felt as if his family was falling apart. You see, in the desire to provide for his family, our hero forgot one thing - to be there with them, too. The only thing he could to was to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of his wife and children. Sound familiar?
Having never experienced a mum or dad to love, to argue with or to spend time with, our hero had no idea how to raise his kids. The only thing he got from his teenage kids, in his eyes, was disobedience. Not on a grand scale, but disobedience nonetheless. How could this happen to the once king of the jungle?
So as the years passed, the communication between our hero and his kids had been minimal and left at pleasantries. Even though his kids appreciated very little of it, our hero loved them dearly and still wanted to support them as best he could.
Recently, at the age of 67, our hero's eldest son landed himself in a bit of a financial mess through over-expansion of his company. His son had a broken marriage, too. So he turned to his parents to get the emotional leverage he needed to get back onto his feet again. In the next few months that followed, there were many awkward moments. Our hero's son wasn't sure how to manage their relationship - as they had very little in common to talk about or share.
However, they did have one thing in common - their love for spirituality, meditation and prayer. Our hero and son would visit their local mosque together before dawn most mornings as well as the evening prayers. At first, very little was said between the two. However, over time their communication strengthened. Whereas, initially, our hero said little or nothing to his son AND his son did the talking; today there is no stopping our hero from having conversations with his eldest. It's as if he was trying to make up for a lifetime of missed opportunities.
His son had felt that his dad was not there for him when he needed him in his teen years. Now, however, he felt that, not only had he made up for the lost years, his dad was there for him more than he could have ever wished for. Both father and son are now enjoying the most wonderful relationship that they could have ever wanted. Our hero won his son back and he has become the amazing dad all fathers yearn for.
In fact, he was always been an amazing dad. I know this to be true because 'our hero' is, in fact, my superhero - my dad. And I am forever grateful for having the honour of being his son.
Harun Rabbani
At around the age of 8, both his parents - an elderly father and an ill mother - died quite suddenly. Growing up with family in that era was tough enough. Being an orphan was traumatising for our hero. His only immediate family were two older brothers of 10 and 12 years of age and the two younger sisters. Every day was survival. At moments, he was being cared for and nurtured by his older brothers. At other times, he was the protector to his younger sisters. His sisters did their bit when they were only tiny. They would cook, clean and look after their brothers.
Our young hero had to learn to be the king of the jungle - and it was like the jungle - survival of the fittest. His sheer aggression and machismo ensured that our superhero (who was actually quite small and frail) helped him to reach the ripe age of 17. At this stage of his life, he took the opportunity to emigrate to Britain and work as a labourer.
Like many of his ex-patriots from the Indian Subcontinent, our hero worked long hours, 6 or 7 days a week and lived in squalid conditions with 18-20 other migrant workers. In 1968, when our hero was 28 years of age, his wedding was arranged to a young Bengali girl from his home country. A year later, he became a father to a son.
If you think, our hero worked hard before, you should have seen him raise his game - he worked longer hours for little pay just to provide for his young family.
18 years and 5 more children later, our hero was losing his eldest son. He felt as if his family was falling apart. You see, in the desire to provide for his family, our hero forgot one thing - to be there with them, too. The only thing he could to was to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of his wife and children. Sound familiar?
Having never experienced a mum or dad to love, to argue with or to spend time with, our hero had no idea how to raise his kids. The only thing he got from his teenage kids, in his eyes, was disobedience. Not on a grand scale, but disobedience nonetheless. How could this happen to the once king of the jungle?
So as the years passed, the communication between our hero and his kids had been minimal and left at pleasantries. Even though his kids appreciated very little of it, our hero loved them dearly and still wanted to support them as best he could.
Recently, at the age of 67, our hero's eldest son landed himself in a bit of a financial mess through over-expansion of his company. His son had a broken marriage, too. So he turned to his parents to get the emotional leverage he needed to get back onto his feet again. In the next few months that followed, there were many awkward moments. Our hero's son wasn't sure how to manage their relationship - as they had very little in common to talk about or share.
However, they did have one thing in common - their love for spirituality, meditation and prayer. Our hero and son would visit their local mosque together before dawn most mornings as well as the evening prayers. At first, very little was said between the two. However, over time their communication strengthened. Whereas, initially, our hero said little or nothing to his son AND his son did the talking; today there is no stopping our hero from having conversations with his eldest. It's as if he was trying to make up for a lifetime of missed opportunities.
His son had felt that his dad was not there for him when he needed him in his teen years. Now, however, he felt that, not only had he made up for the lost years, his dad was there for him more than he could have ever wished for. Both father and son are now enjoying the most wonderful relationship that they could have ever wanted. Our hero won his son back and he has become the amazing dad all fathers yearn for.
In fact, he was always been an amazing dad. I know this to be true because 'our hero' is, in fact, my superhero - my dad. And I am forever grateful for having the honour of being his son.
Harun Rabbani
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
One of the biggest challenges that parents have is to find the quality time to spend with their children. Well, here's a letter I recieved from a dear friend who's addressing a major concern for dads as well as mums:
This is an invitation to participate in an international task force conference call for all participants in Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness regional task forces, current and future. We invite you to invite others from your region, or nation, to join us and expand the list for this international call. As most of you know, research shows that obesity, illiteracy, violence and the breakdown of family and community are in part tied to our "addiction" to the myriad screens in our lives.
Many of you know that in September we will introduce Universal Screen-Time Reduction: A lifestyle for the 21st Century (USTR), a comprehensive program that addresses the Screen-Time issue and ways to master technology without becoming a prisoner of it.
This first national conference call will be an introduction to USTR, preparing those who are interested for the official announcements coming up in just a couple of months. We will have people from across the United States and around the world on this call, some from established task forces and others not yet established.
The conference takes place on Wednesday, August 1, 2007 at 11 AM EST. The call in number and code are as follows:
Call in number (USA) (712) 775-7100
Participant Access Code: 761547#
For more information on CSTA, please visit our website at www.screentime.org or feel free to contact me directly at rkesten@screentime.org or 202-333-9220.
If we are going to even the playing field in our efforts to challenge obesity, violence, illiteracy and pollution, while building functional families in vibrant communities, we must take on the electronic media that bombards us with mind numbing sensationalism, leaving us only more sedentary and solitary than at anytime in human history.
We are NOT opposed to technology or electronic media, games or the like. We are for balance and mastery of these tools, not dependence on them.
I thank you for your consideration and hope to hear from you on or before August 1st on the first official call of this task force.
Sincerely,
Robert Kesten
Executive Director
Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness
This is an invitation to participate in an international task force conference call for all participants in Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness regional task forces, current and future. We invite you to invite others from your region, or nation, to join us and expand the list for this international call. As most of you know, research shows that obesity, illiteracy, violence and the breakdown of family and community are in part tied to our "addiction" to the myriad screens in our lives.
Many of you know that in September we will introduce Universal Screen-Time Reduction: A lifestyle for the 21st Century (USTR), a comprehensive program that addresses the Screen-Time issue and ways to master technology without becoming a prisoner of it.
This first national conference call will be an introduction to USTR, preparing those who are interested for the official announcements coming up in just a couple of months. We will have people from across the United States and around the world on this call, some from established task forces and others not yet established.
The conference takes place on Wednesday, August 1, 2007 at 11 AM EST. The call in number and code are as follows:
Call in number (USA) (712) 775-7100
Participant Access Code: 761547#
For more information on CSTA, please visit our website at www.screentime.org or feel free to contact me directly at rkesten@screentime.org or 202-333-9220.
If we are going to even the playing field in our efforts to challenge obesity, violence, illiteracy and pollution, while building functional families in vibrant communities, we must take on the electronic media that bombards us with mind numbing sensationalism, leaving us only more sedentary and solitary than at anytime in human history.
We are NOT opposed to technology or electronic media, games or the like. We are for balance and mastery of these tools, not dependence on them.
I thank you for your consideration and hope to hear from you on or before August 1st on the first official call of this task force.
Sincerely,
Robert Kesten
Executive Director
Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Daughters need their Dads too...
This is a story of an amazing dad, Don Barlow, who's been bringing up his daughter alone.
"In January 1987, my wife of 12 years died from pancreatic cancer. This left me with the responsibility of raising my 8-year-old daughter alone. After the shock of my wife’s death, I became aware that I knew nothing about raising a daughter by myself. We had raised my wife’s two children and my two sons, and they were all living outside of the home.
During the grieving process, I sometimes wondered if the wrong parent had died. Mothers raise daughters. Fathers are supposed to financially support the family. Mothers are the nurturers; it had been that way in my family. Now, I had to learn a new role, one I hadn’t anticipated. I never knew what being a parent was about until I had to do it all myself.
I believe my daughter’s greatest fear initially was being left alone. She had already lost her mother. Would she lose me as well? Who would take care of her then? On one occasion she announced, “Dad, I know what you can get me for Christmas, and it won’t cost a cent. You can find me a new mom.”
It was too soon for me to consider taking such a step, but her question helped me to understand the depth of her need. She was hurting and she was scared. After the initial shock, denial and bargaining phases had run their courses, we worked through the lingering anger and depression and started to put our lives back together. When she was in elementary school, I became a “Room Father.” (When it was my turn to bring cookies, I could buy the dough in rolls, cut it into individual cookies and bake them.) I helped coach her softball team. I encouraged her involvement in church activities so she would be spiritually grounded. I enrolled her in charm school and we joined ballroom dancing classes together.
For cultural exposure, I involved her in our American Indian heritage. We attended and danced at Indian powwows. I signed her up for summer basketball camps and attended the awards ceremony at the end. I tried to be involved by balancing work and family. I passed up a job at a local university because of the position’s frequent out-of-state travel.
So many memories: the first date, graduations, basketball games at the arena, the first formal dance, her first prom dress, learning how to ride a bike, her Indian dancing. These things I will always treasure. The hard times: the day she broke her arm playing basketball. The death of her older sister five years ago.
My daughter is 23 years old now. Like any parent, I didn’t know it would turn out OK, until it did. It boiled down to this: Ultimately, the best gift I could give my daughter was my time, my love and my encouragement. Daughters need their fathers no matter what their age, and it’s never too late to start."
Harun Rabbani
"In January 1987, my wife of 12 years died from pancreatic cancer. This left me with the responsibility of raising my 8-year-old daughter alone. After the shock of my wife’s death, I became aware that I knew nothing about raising a daughter by myself. We had raised my wife’s two children and my two sons, and they were all living outside of the home.
During the grieving process, I sometimes wondered if the wrong parent had died. Mothers raise daughters. Fathers are supposed to financially support the family. Mothers are the nurturers; it had been that way in my family. Now, I had to learn a new role, one I hadn’t anticipated. I never knew what being a parent was about until I had to do it all myself.
I believe my daughter’s greatest fear initially was being left alone. She had already lost her mother. Would she lose me as well? Who would take care of her then? On one occasion she announced, “Dad, I know what you can get me for Christmas, and it won’t cost a cent. You can find me a new mom.”
It was too soon for me to consider taking such a step, but her question helped me to understand the depth of her need. She was hurting and she was scared. After the initial shock, denial and bargaining phases had run their courses, we worked through the lingering anger and depression and started to put our lives back together. When she was in elementary school, I became a “Room Father.” (When it was my turn to bring cookies, I could buy the dough in rolls, cut it into individual cookies and bake them.) I helped coach her softball team. I encouraged her involvement in church activities so she would be spiritually grounded. I enrolled her in charm school and we joined ballroom dancing classes together.
For cultural exposure, I involved her in our American Indian heritage. We attended and danced at Indian powwows. I signed her up for summer basketball camps and attended the awards ceremony at the end. I tried to be involved by balancing work and family. I passed up a job at a local university because of the position’s frequent out-of-state travel.
So many memories: the first date, graduations, basketball games at the arena, the first formal dance, her first prom dress, learning how to ride a bike, her Indian dancing. These things I will always treasure. The hard times: the day she broke her arm playing basketball. The death of her older sister five years ago.
My daughter is 23 years old now. Like any parent, I didn’t know it would turn out OK, until it did. It boiled down to this: Ultimately, the best gift I could give my daughter was my time, my love and my encouragement. Daughters need their fathers no matter what their age, and it’s never too late to start."
Harun Rabbani
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
The Story of the World's Strongest Dad
Here's a story of one of the most amazing dads I've heard of. When I first learnt about the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt I was humbled beyond belief. Trust me. That is something that doesn't happen so easily!
At Rick’s birth in 1962 the umbilical cord coiled around his neck and cut off oxygen to his brain. Dick and his wife, Judy, were told that there would be no hope for their child’s development.
"It’s been a story of exclusion ever since he was born," said the father, Dick. "When he was eight months old the doctors told us we should just put him away — he’d be a vegetable all his life, that sort of thing. Well those doctors are not alive any more, but I would like them to be able to see Rick now."
The couple brought their son home determined to raise him as "normally" as possible. Within five years, Rick had two younger brothers, and the Hoyts were convinced Rick was just as intelligent as his siblings. Dick remembers the struggle to get the local school authorities to agree: "Because he couldn’t talk they thought he wouldn’t be able to understand, but that wasn’t true." The dedicated parents taught Rick the alphabet. "We always wanted Rick included in everything," Dick said. "That’s why we wanted to get him into public school."
A group of Tufts University engineers came to the rescue, once they had seen some clear, empirical evidence of Rick’s comprehension skills. "They told him a joke," said Dick. "Rick just cracked up. They knew then that he could communicate!" The engineers went on to build — using $5,000 the family managed to raise in 1972 - an interactive computer that would allow Rick to write out his thoughts using the slight head-movements that he could manage. Rick came to call it "my communicator." A cursor would move across a screen filled with rows of letters, and when the cursor highlighted a letter that Rick wanted, he would click a switch with the side of his head.
When the computer was originally brought home, Rick surprised his family with his first "spoken" words. They had expected perhaps "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad." But on the screen Rick wrote "Go Bruins." The Boston Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals that season, and his family realized he had been following the hockey games along with everyone else. "So we learned then that Rick loved sports," said Dick.
In 1975, Rick was finally admitted into a public school. Two years later, he told his father he wanted to participate in a five-mile charity run for a local lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, far from being a long-distance runner, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished next to last, but they felt they had achieved a triumph. That night, Dick remembers, "Rick told us he just didn’t feel handicapped when we were competing."
Now click here to see the more of this story. Enjoy!
Keep shining!
Harun Rabbani
At Rick’s birth in 1962 the umbilical cord coiled around his neck and cut off oxygen to his brain. Dick and his wife, Judy, were told that there would be no hope for their child’s development.
"It’s been a story of exclusion ever since he was born," said the father, Dick. "When he was eight months old the doctors told us we should just put him away — he’d be a vegetable all his life, that sort of thing. Well those doctors are not alive any more, but I would like them to be able to see Rick now."
The couple brought their son home determined to raise him as "normally" as possible. Within five years, Rick had two younger brothers, and the Hoyts were convinced Rick was just as intelligent as his siblings. Dick remembers the struggle to get the local school authorities to agree: "Because he couldn’t talk they thought he wouldn’t be able to understand, but that wasn’t true." The dedicated parents taught Rick the alphabet. "We always wanted Rick included in everything," Dick said. "That’s why we wanted to get him into public school."
A group of Tufts University engineers came to the rescue, once they had seen some clear, empirical evidence of Rick’s comprehension skills. "They told him a joke," said Dick. "Rick just cracked up. They knew then that he could communicate!" The engineers went on to build — using $5,000 the family managed to raise in 1972 - an interactive computer that would allow Rick to write out his thoughts using the slight head-movements that he could manage. Rick came to call it "my communicator." A cursor would move across a screen filled with rows of letters, and when the cursor highlighted a letter that Rick wanted, he would click a switch with the side of his head.
When the computer was originally brought home, Rick surprised his family with his first "spoken" words. They had expected perhaps "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad." But on the screen Rick wrote "Go Bruins." The Boston Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals that season, and his family realized he had been following the hockey games along with everyone else. "So we learned then that Rick loved sports," said Dick.
In 1975, Rick was finally admitted into a public school. Two years later, he told his father he wanted to participate in a five-mile charity run for a local lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, far from being a long-distance runner, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished next to last, but they felt they had achieved a triumph. That night, Dick remembers, "Rick told us he just didn’t feel handicapped when we were competing."
Now click here to see the more of this story. Enjoy!
Keep shining!
Harun Rabbani
Thursday, 28 June 2007
The Simple things in life
In October 2002, I split up from the love of my life and wife. Not only that, I was torn away from my 3 and 1 year old babies. Over the next 12 months, I was going through the most devastating period in my entire life. Fortunately, I found the strength to make sure that my boys experienced as little of their parents bitterness. In that time, my eldest son, Hamza, could 'feel' my emotions regardless of how well I tried to hide it. You see, he and I have always been very close.
We managed to make as much time for each other when they were with me. For the first time in my life, I got to experience the simple things that I'd not experienced with my own parents. We would always have meals together and make it a fun time. We would have races together on the way to the park; at the park and on the way back. My eldest is very competitive, whilst the younger one is more laid back. We would go swimming together and play games in the pool. I would tell them bed-time stories that I would make up as I would go along. They absolutely loved the stories over any children's books - probably because the heroes were always my two boys.
I'd also make a guest appearance in their story. Their mum would occassionally appear as a damsel in distress or Princess who they'd save from the clutches of the evil people from the dark side!
Even with all this going on, I kept questioning myself if I was a good enough dad. Was I being the best that I could be? Would I be that role model that they deserve? Would I be that superhero that I used to imagine my dad to be? In fact, was I just plainly good enough?
One evening, as my boys were climbing onto their bunk beds, Hamza said something that left me stumped for words (not something that happens to a professional speaker very often!) Whilst on his bunk-bed ladder, he turned his head round and looked me straight in the eyes and said,
"Abu (means 'dad')! You know how we can't always be with each other every day? Well, remember this: wherever I go, you are always in my heart."
I was gob-smacked. He was only four years old at the time. I then realised that, even though I did not teach him those words, I must have done something right in nurturing him to enable him to express his feelings like that. Perhaps, I am an OK dad after all. Maybe even amazing.
Harun Rabbani
We managed to make as much time for each other when they were with me. For the first time in my life, I got to experience the simple things that I'd not experienced with my own parents. We would always have meals together and make it a fun time. We would have races together on the way to the park; at the park and on the way back. My eldest is very competitive, whilst the younger one is more laid back. We would go swimming together and play games in the pool. I would tell them bed-time stories that I would make up as I would go along. They absolutely loved the stories over any children's books - probably because the heroes were always my two boys.
I'd also make a guest appearance in their story. Their mum would occassionally appear as a damsel in distress or Princess who they'd save from the clutches of the evil people from the dark side!
Even with all this going on, I kept questioning myself if I was a good enough dad. Was I being the best that I could be? Would I be that role model that they deserve? Would I be that superhero that I used to imagine my dad to be? In fact, was I just plainly good enough?
One evening, as my boys were climbing onto their bunk beds, Hamza said something that left me stumped for words (not something that happens to a professional speaker very often!) Whilst on his bunk-bed ladder, he turned his head round and looked me straight in the eyes and said,
"Abu (means 'dad')! You know how we can't always be with each other every day? Well, remember this: wherever I go, you are always in my heart."
I was gob-smacked. He was only four years old at the time. I then realised that, even though I did not teach him those words, I must have done something right in nurturing him to enable him to express his feelings like that. Perhaps, I am an OK dad after all. Maybe even amazing.
Harun Rabbani
Children with Absent Fathers are More Likely to Offend
The general nature of this blog is to highlight the wonderful experiences created by amazing dads. However, it would be useful to remind ourselves of some of the consequences of NOT being an amazing dad.
Two weeks ago, I delivered a workshop to a group of 22 teenagers. 10 of the participants were considered as disruptive. 9 out of these 10 teenagers are from single parent families and have little contact with their fathers. The 10th one is from a home where he hardly sees his father. That got me thinking about how much of an impact dads have on children - the future of our society.
Here's a few stark facts about children without their dads.
- Children aged 11 to 16 years were 25% more likely to have offended in the last year if they lived in lone-parent families.61
- Young men from lone-parent families were 1.6 times as likely to be persistent offenders as those from two-natural-parent families. The effects of living in lone-parent families seem to operate indirectly, through reduced levels of parental supervision.
In focus group discussions, young people in prisons spoke frequently about disruption in their family lives and about their fathers’ absence. One discussion went as follows:
Interviewer: ‘I’ve just realised we’ve spent the whole time and nobody’s talked about dads.
’Teenager 1: ‘That’s because there’s no dads to talk about!
’Teenager 2: ‘We don’t need dads, at the end of the day a child needs its mum.’
Another young woman said: ‘…where I used to live…it’s like a rough, nasty area and you just see mums with six children, three kids, their boyfriend, not a dad. Kids grow up and they grudge other families…
These are just some of the raw facts about children with absent biological dads. This can apply to dads who are married but are never around. So, if you're a married father, you may just wish to think twice about the role you play as a dad.
Harun Rabbani
Two weeks ago, I delivered a workshop to a group of 22 teenagers. 10 of the participants were considered as disruptive. 9 out of these 10 teenagers are from single parent families and have little contact with their fathers. The 10th one is from a home where he hardly sees his father. That got me thinking about how much of an impact dads have on children - the future of our society.
Here's a few stark facts about children without their dads.
- Children aged 11 to 16 years were 25% more likely to have offended in the last year if they lived in lone-parent families.61
- Young men from lone-parent families were 1.6 times as likely to be persistent offenders as those from two-natural-parent families. The effects of living in lone-parent families seem to operate indirectly, through reduced levels of parental supervision.
In focus group discussions, young people in prisons spoke frequently about disruption in their family lives and about their fathers’ absence. One discussion went as follows:
Interviewer: ‘I’ve just realised we’ve spent the whole time and nobody’s talked about dads.
’Teenager 1: ‘That’s because there’s no dads to talk about!
’Teenager 2: ‘We don’t need dads, at the end of the day a child needs its mum.’
Another young woman said: ‘…where I used to live…it’s like a rough, nasty area and you just see mums with six children, three kids, their boyfriend, not a dad. Kids grow up and they grudge other families…
These are just some of the raw facts about children with absent biological dads. This can apply to dads who are married but are never around. So, if you're a married father, you may just wish to think twice about the role you play as a dad.
Harun Rabbani
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