Here's an article I read that I found enlightening for when praising young children. I was delighted, yet not surprised, to see how much impact you can have on your child by making a subtle difference in how you praise your child. Enjoy the article!
Harun Rabbani
Thursday, 27 September 2007
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
It's Never Too Late
Growing up in rural Bangladesh is no mean feat. This was especially the case in the 1940's at the time when the British left a devastated India, where our hero started his journey. Our little hero was the youngest of three sons at the age of 8. He also had two younger sisters of 6 months and 3 years of age.
At around the age of 8, both his parents - an elderly father and an ill mother - died quite suddenly. Growing up with family in that era was tough enough. Being an orphan was traumatising for our hero. His only immediate family were two older brothers of 10 and 12 years of age and the two younger sisters. Every day was survival. At moments, he was being cared for and nurtured by his older brothers. At other times, he was the protector to his younger sisters. His sisters did their bit when they were only tiny. They would cook, clean and look after their brothers.
Our young hero had to learn to be the king of the jungle - and it was like the jungle - survival of the fittest. His sheer aggression and machismo ensured that our superhero (who was actually quite small and frail) helped him to reach the ripe age of 17. At this stage of his life, he took the opportunity to emigrate to Britain and work as a labourer.
Like many of his ex-patriots from the Indian Subcontinent, our hero worked long hours, 6 or 7 days a week and lived in squalid conditions with 18-20 other migrant workers. In 1968, when our hero was 28 years of age, his wedding was arranged to a young Bengali girl from his home country. A year later, he became a father to a son.
If you think, our hero worked hard before, you should have seen him raise his game - he worked longer hours for little pay just to provide for his young family.
18 years and 5 more children later, our hero was losing his eldest son. He felt as if his family was falling apart. You see, in the desire to provide for his family, our hero forgot one thing - to be there with them, too. The only thing he could to was to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of his wife and children. Sound familiar?
Having never experienced a mum or dad to love, to argue with or to spend time with, our hero had no idea how to raise his kids. The only thing he got from his teenage kids, in his eyes, was disobedience. Not on a grand scale, but disobedience nonetheless. How could this happen to the once king of the jungle?
So as the years passed, the communication between our hero and his kids had been minimal and left at pleasantries. Even though his kids appreciated very little of it, our hero loved them dearly and still wanted to support them as best he could.
Recently, at the age of 67, our hero's eldest son landed himself in a bit of a financial mess through over-expansion of his company. His son had a broken marriage, too. So he turned to his parents to get the emotional leverage he needed to get back onto his feet again. In the next few months that followed, there were many awkward moments. Our hero's son wasn't sure how to manage their relationship - as they had very little in common to talk about or share.
However, they did have one thing in common - their love for spirituality, meditation and prayer. Our hero and son would visit their local mosque together before dawn most mornings as well as the evening prayers. At first, very little was said between the two. However, over time their communication strengthened. Whereas, initially, our hero said little or nothing to his son AND his son did the talking; today there is no stopping our hero from having conversations with his eldest. It's as if he was trying to make up for a lifetime of missed opportunities.
His son had felt that his dad was not there for him when he needed him in his teen years. Now, however, he felt that, not only had he made up for the lost years, his dad was there for him more than he could have ever wished for. Both father and son are now enjoying the most wonderful relationship that they could have ever wanted. Our hero won his son back and he has become the amazing dad all fathers yearn for.
In fact, he was always been an amazing dad. I know this to be true because 'our hero' is, in fact, my superhero - my dad. And I am forever grateful for having the honour of being his son.
Harun Rabbani
At around the age of 8, both his parents - an elderly father and an ill mother - died quite suddenly. Growing up with family in that era was tough enough. Being an orphan was traumatising for our hero. His only immediate family were two older brothers of 10 and 12 years of age and the two younger sisters. Every day was survival. At moments, he was being cared for and nurtured by his older brothers. At other times, he was the protector to his younger sisters. His sisters did their bit when they were only tiny. They would cook, clean and look after their brothers.
Our young hero had to learn to be the king of the jungle - and it was like the jungle - survival of the fittest. His sheer aggression and machismo ensured that our superhero (who was actually quite small and frail) helped him to reach the ripe age of 17. At this stage of his life, he took the opportunity to emigrate to Britain and work as a labourer.
Like many of his ex-patriots from the Indian Subcontinent, our hero worked long hours, 6 or 7 days a week and lived in squalid conditions with 18-20 other migrant workers. In 1968, when our hero was 28 years of age, his wedding was arranged to a young Bengali girl from his home country. A year later, he became a father to a son.
If you think, our hero worked hard before, you should have seen him raise his game - he worked longer hours for little pay just to provide for his young family.
18 years and 5 more children later, our hero was losing his eldest son. He felt as if his family was falling apart. You see, in the desire to provide for his family, our hero forgot one thing - to be there with them, too. The only thing he could to was to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of his wife and children. Sound familiar?
Having never experienced a mum or dad to love, to argue with or to spend time with, our hero had no idea how to raise his kids. The only thing he got from his teenage kids, in his eyes, was disobedience. Not on a grand scale, but disobedience nonetheless. How could this happen to the once king of the jungle?
So as the years passed, the communication between our hero and his kids had been minimal and left at pleasantries. Even though his kids appreciated very little of it, our hero loved them dearly and still wanted to support them as best he could.
Recently, at the age of 67, our hero's eldest son landed himself in a bit of a financial mess through over-expansion of his company. His son had a broken marriage, too. So he turned to his parents to get the emotional leverage he needed to get back onto his feet again. In the next few months that followed, there were many awkward moments. Our hero's son wasn't sure how to manage their relationship - as they had very little in common to talk about or share.
However, they did have one thing in common - their love for spirituality, meditation and prayer. Our hero and son would visit their local mosque together before dawn most mornings as well as the evening prayers. At first, very little was said between the two. However, over time their communication strengthened. Whereas, initially, our hero said little or nothing to his son AND his son did the talking; today there is no stopping our hero from having conversations with his eldest. It's as if he was trying to make up for a lifetime of missed opportunities.
His son had felt that his dad was not there for him when he needed him in his teen years. Now, however, he felt that, not only had he made up for the lost years, his dad was there for him more than he could have ever wished for. Both father and son are now enjoying the most wonderful relationship that they could have ever wanted. Our hero won his son back and he has become the amazing dad all fathers yearn for.
In fact, he was always been an amazing dad. I know this to be true because 'our hero' is, in fact, my superhero - my dad. And I am forever grateful for having the honour of being his son.
Harun Rabbani
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