Honouring the mother as a single dad

After listening to the section on 'Honouring the Mother' from the newly launched Amazing Dads audio CD, I was asked a very interesting question: How do you honour and respect the mother of your children when she clearly does the opposite to you?

Wow! That's a big one to answer. However, let me give you my take on it. Every woman (and man) has two basic needs - to experience love (give and receive) and to feel a sense of significance. This is no less different for your ex-wife/partner. No matter how much you get along or otherwise, you and your ex still have those foundational human needs.

If you have young, impressionable children, it's even more imperative to support your ex's needs. However, there comes a point when, perhaps you cannot support them directly because of unsurmountable pressure from your ex or unreasonable requests. Say, for example, she is demanding money far in excess of your ability to earn; and she threatens to use your children as pawn. In such circumstances, you have little power to help her.

Nonetheless, you can still support her remotely. We are all connected beings only separated by the limitations we hold in our heads. Bearing this in mind, set a positive intention for your ex with total conviction and unconditional love. If she's lashing out or being unreasonable, it's likely she is feeling insecure and afraid. Having a positive intention for her WILL ease some of the pain she's feeling. In turn, the need to lash out at you will be reduced.

This is precisely what I do when I drop my children off to their mother's house. The three of us set the intention that she will be pleasant to us and very caring when we arrive at her doorstep. Lo and behold! It works. A far cry from the reception we used to get.

So, you can still honour your ex-wife/partner even when she doesn't know it. It is your intentions that create your reality. The person who has the greatest certainty will always rule over the intentional field.

Harun Rabbani