What's your story?

One of the biggest challenges that dads of all ages and cultures have is the lack of role models to learn from. How much better would the world be if all children had an inspirational relationship with their dad? Wouldn’t the world be a much better place?

Then may be you can help.

Do you have a dad’s story you would like to share with the rest of the world?

Would you like to inspire thousands of dads to take positive action?

Would you like to leave a lasting legacy with the children of the world?

If you’re answer is an emphatic YES, then please read on…

I’m looking for stories that will inspire the hearts and minds of dads across the world. The stories can be as short as you like – anything from 200 up to 2,000 words. Here’s the great news! You do not have to be a dad to write the story.

I am looking for first hand stories from you if you are a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a friend, etc. In other words – ANYBODY. Very importantly, the story must be either:

A. Something that you have experienced personally
B. Observed personally
C. Wrote about somebody else who has given you a personal interview

If you wish to contribute your story or wsh to find out more about the book, please contact me directly by sending an email to harun@harunrabbani.com or speak to me directly through the social networking site where you and I are connected, i.e. Twitter, Ecademy, Facebook.

I am very excited about this project and I look forward to a phenomenal relationship with you.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

When all else fails in motivating your child to behave...

...have a go at having a conversation with them.

I have a 12 year old nephew who has mastered the art of getting into trouble with every authority figure going. He is the archetypal Dennis the Menace. His teachers are tearing their hair out trying to manage him. His parents are going stir crazy wondering how come he's turned out the way he has.

Unfortunately, by getting himself into so much trouble, he seems to get very little affection from anybody. Nonetheless, he is still a child. I still believe he needs to be shown loving and to be treated like he is intelligent.

Earlier this evening, I sat him down with my two younger sons and started talking to them about the way the cardiovascular system and the nervous system operate. I also told them about how stress affects both those systems. Would you believe the 12 year old boy along with my 7 and 9 year old sons all understood? Hell yeah! When you give a child the chance to be intelligent, they become that.

Then we went onto to discuss the universal law of reflection. This means what characeristics you see in others, you already possess. In other words, you see the world as you are. Through the discussion, we highlighted the positives and some areas for development. Two things came out of the conversation:

1. My nephew, a.k.a. Dennis, realised that although he finds everything he does as funny, he is usually the only one in the class to be laughing. He also got that others were laughing at him - not with him.

2. In order to help him relax more, my nephew agreed to spend 10 minutes a day, everyday, just doing some simple meditation. His grandmother (my mum) agreed to remind him everyday.

I'll keep you posted on the results.

Harun Rabbani

Spiritual beings having physical experience

Most readers of this blog would agree that children are one of the greatest blessings you have received. However, mums and dads can occasionally get a little confused during the creation of the child. Once the child is conceived, you have no control of how the child becomes manifest.

The spirit that enters the foetus is a custodian of that shell we call the body. At the same time, the mother is the custodian of the unborn child. At no point is the child a possession - when pregnant or once the child is born. So treat is as if you are a custodian of the most priceless gem in the world.

When the child is born it is a conscious being and with a high level of maturity, often much more than the parent. It is crucial that both parents take responsibility for the development of the foetus and the newborn baby. Be mindful of the type of sounds the child is exposed to. All sounds have a vibration.

High vibrational sounds that are beneficial to the child include praying, meditating, singing, expressing love, the sound of flowing water and nature. Low vibrational sounds include shouting, heavy rock music, ganster rap, industrial noise.

Be also aware that when that the feelings that are radiated from the pregnant mother's inner being will have a strong effect on the child. This is important to bear in mind. If a mother has a traumatic pregnancy, she will give birth to a child who has been exposed to negativity before they are even born. If the mum generally has a 'happy' pregnancy, she will give birth to a happy child.

There is much more we can talk about regarding preparing your child for the best. However, I want to leave you with one thought. Your child is a spiritual being having a physical experience. You are part of that journey they will have in this life. What kind of experience would you like to give your child?

Harun Rabbani

Building confidence through speaking

Last night, I was watching a program on BBC TV that resonates with me more than any show - "Speaker". In the years of delivering interactive workshops, the public speaking workshops have the quickest impact on a child's confidence. If you missed last night's penultimate episode, then click here to catch up with the program. Make sure you're glued to next Tuesday's final.

If your child ever gets a chance to stand up and speak in public, give them all the encouragement they need. It's a skill that they will nor forget quickly. It's also something that will help them in their education and their future career. Many a good and great leader was once a child public speaker.

Harun Rabbani

Sleep deprived children show symptoms of ADHD

Have you ever wondered why some children are so much more hyperactive than others?

The BBC News reported that children whose average sleep duration was shorter than 7.7 hours had a higher hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour score. (Please note: the 7.7 hours refers to time in actual sleep. Bear in mind, your child will need more time in bed to take into account bedtime reading and staying awake.)

What does that mean to you? Sleep deprived adults face problems of concentration lapses and being less emotionally stable. However the consequences on a child’s life and their future are dire. It means your child has a reduced ability to concentrate at school and a higher tendency to be behaviourally challenged.

Clearly, this will affect your child’s ability to realise their academic potential, not to mention be more susceptible to be bullied or become a bully. Controversial, I know. However, given the record numbers of children being bullied at school and 40% of teachers being subjugated to student bullying, this is a serious matter that teaching professionals are having a tough time with.

Prevention is better than cure. Ensuring your child gets a good night’s sleep allows them to fully recuperate for a productive day ahead.

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part Four: The Key to Handling Fear

We live in a world of duality. Everything has its equal and opposite. Look around you and you see evidence everywhere. This is something that my children love learning about. For example, have you ever touched those prickly stinging nettles that you find growing in undergrowth in woods and in parks or even in untamed English gardens?

Although the nettles do leave a nasty, stinging sensation, they have a cure very close by. Everywhere you find stinging nettles, you will find the broad dock leaves growing nearby. Once you've been stung, all you need to do is to rub a dock leaf on the part of your body to counteract the effect of the nettles.

Everything in the manifest world has its equal and opposite. This is Mother Nature's way of keeping checks and balances.

So it is true about 'e'-motions and feelings. Fear is one of the biggest fuels for the 'Ego'. The more you are fearful of something, the bigger the Ego becomes. (I'll explain Ego more clearly in a future blog.)

When you try to motivate your child through fear, you are in fact feeding and growing their Ego.
The Ego lives off victimhood. This then reinforces the desire for that child to unconsciously seek out things that they feel fearful of. Then when that happens, the Ego gets all the juice it needs to become more of a 'victim'.

Have you noticed, for example, that people who are 'victims' of circumstance and prey to their environment and everybody else's opinions and behaviours. The Self, however, sees the world from a different perspective. Instead of seeing problems, they have challenges. Instead of being in a recession, they're looking out for the opportunities. Instead blaming others for their condition, they choose to learn from their experiences.

In my humble opinion, the key to handling fear is to know that with every 'negative' situation, its positive counterpart is thriving in equal amount. Where you find something to be sad about, when you look you'll find something else to be happy about. Out of every sadness, joy is also to be found.

So for example, if your child does not pass a test at school, it is a great way to recognise where they can improve on. Or when your child comes last in a race at school, they may learn a new way of becoming better in that race or get more motivated to train harder or even find a sport that they do excel in.

In the case of specific fears, do as Susan Jeffers recommends - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

The New Story is the unfolding of a generation of future leaders who will not lead their lives by being motivated by fear, shame and guilt. They will excel despite that and because they choose to use emotions that are energy creating such as compassion, empathy, love and courage....the latter being the equal and opposite of fear.

Help your son and daughter to create balance in their life by seeing the upside to every downside and by making them aware that every upside has its counterbalance. Make sure you do both gently and with plenty of loving.

Harun Rabbani

The pain of worrying what others would say...

When I became a dad for the first time, my own family expected me to be a strict, regimented and temperamental disciplinarian. Much to their surprise, I 'turned' out to be quite the opposite to that. My family based their assumptions of me as a dad based on their experience with our own father. They expected me to be everything that he was.

However, I used my experience as 'market research', as described by Richard Wilkins. My dad taught me many of the ways I should not be a father. For example, he never expressed his love verbally. He was never comfortable with that. But I was quite surprised when once in my adult life, he found it in himself to tell me how much he hated me. To this day, he still 'cannot' express his love.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want to share the biggest research material I got from being a child of my father. His biggest stressor is not related to his health. It's not related to his wealth. It's not related to any physical, mental or emotional disease. However, he does have all these conditions and it stems from his fear of what other people would say.

Let me explain. My dad grew up in a village where he was constantly in survival mode since being orphaned at the age of 8. As a child, he made his way through into his adulthood by literally fighting his way there. In his mind, he had (has) a reputation of being someone that everybody fears. Nobody would dare cross his path. Nobody would dare to speak to him in a 'disrespectul' way to him, i.e. they would never disagree with him.

Indeed he was a very persuasive man. People took heed of him. His older brothers listened to him and did as he would say. His many nephews all feared him as did his younger sisters. All in all, he had a reputation.

However, he could never understand why when everybody obeys him, why none of his children would obey his every order with no question. Unfortunately, my dad lived in a world of fantasy. Whilst he was disgusted with his children and even resented their 'behaviour', we - his children - lived in constant fear of being shouted or being beaten with a stick, sandal or anything that would inflict pain. The higher you were in the age pecking order, the more you were his object of anger and blame. I was the oldest of six.

Yes, for many years I was a very angry child. A very angry young man. I heard about alcholic fathers violating their children. But what was my dad's excuse? The only answer I could find (and still do) was that he was afraid of what would be say about this lion of a man who was a complete whimp with his own children. He couldn't even manage to get his children to listen to him.

The consequences to my siblings and me of my father's fear of what other people would say included being physically and emotionally battered, forced marriage of one of my sisters, me running away from home, emotional scarring and depression. But the worst affected was himself - constant ill health, stress, worry, fear, resetlessness and a sense of isolation and abandonment.

Unfortunately, my father is from a generation where they never need help, advice or support from their own children. In fact, giving any kind of advice to him was one of the most offensive things my siblings or I could do.

So how all this make me a better father? In many ways. In the case of this blog, I want to mention two key learning lessons.

Firstly, you are already a perfect being as you are...spiritually. Your attitude and behaviour is a manifestation of childhood conditioning. If you are perfect, then you are more than capable of raising your child without the interference of do-gooders - usually in the form of 'family' and 'friends'. Let your love for your children and your trust in their perfection be your guide.

Secondly, be very mindful of the words that leave your mouth when you are speaking with your kids. NEVER allow words with low vibrational energy to be uttered by yourself. Using fear and shame words does NOT work. For example, I remember once my dad say to me how much he 'hated me from the time I was 12 years old'. I was not upset. On the contrary, it felt like the bond between the two of us snapped irrepairably for good. Use words of praise and love to express your feelings. They work. They truly do. I know because I use it with my children all the time.

Harun Rabbani

Handling your child's hyperactivity & guided meditation

Have you ever been frustrated with and overactive child and wondered how you can temper their hyperactivity?

One of the most powerful ways to help your child be 'still' and at a place of calm is through meditation...more specifically guided meditation. In our fast-paced society, we are in such a hurry everyday that it comes as no surprise our children follow suit. T.V. dinners, fast travel, edge-of-the-seat entertainment and so on.

Meditation has many positive effects on an individual. But let's concentrate on the calming effect it has on a child. During guided meditation, the guide (ideally you) takes them through a balanced breathing process - 4 secs breathing in and 4 secs breathing out, for example. The child is guided by talking them through the breathing for a 60 to 90 seconds. Once the breathing has stabilised, you can talk them through an imaginary walk through a park; observing the stillness of the lake; watching the swan swimming, etc.

The whole idea is to help them use their imagination to conjure up an image of calmness and stillness. The calming effect that guided meditation has on your child is immediately obvious. But the key is not to overdo it. Start off with a 5 minute meditation and work your way to 10-20 mins. However, do it every day or every other day. That way it becomes habitual.

When I've guided my sons through meditation, not only are they more calm and collected, they also share with me how many creative come into their head. There is a by-product of guided meditation. You can't help be affected yourself.

There are countless books on the wonders of meditation. However, until you've practised this wonderful art, you will never experience the joys of meditation.

Harun Rabbani

The Traditional Fathering Role Still Rules Supreme...

Can the traditional role of a father still exist in the 21st century world?

Of course it can. There are many societies who still have the father as the head of house and his only involvement is in providing a roof over the head, shirt on the backs of their children and food on the table. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is a successful model that works in places like Sierra Leone, parts of India and parts of Bangladesh.

In such societies, the extended family unit is common place. There's a saying which is very apt ' 'It takes a village to raise a man' - or something like that. In other words, the nurturing of the child is a communal affair not just the duty of the mother or just the father.

However, if you are reading this blog, you're probably living in in a country where family breakdown is common, let alone having tight communities. The key question is - are you leaving the upbringing of your child to your community and does it serve the purpose of becoming a healthy, well-balanced adult?

Harun Rabbani

Great news on Amazing Dads Book

You have no idea on how excited I am today. I've just been given the go ahead to include the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt in my forthcoming book on amazing dads. Check this video out.

I am still looking for stories from you. Bring it on!

The Ugly Face of Britain: It's Childhood Suicide Rate

Both Childline and the NSPCC have reported an increase of childhood suicide which has tripled in five years. Although the suicide rate for boys hase increased, 80% of suicides are by girls.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), which runs a free 24-hour helpline, said it received an average of almost 60 calls from suicidal youngsters every week.

Of that number, one in 14 needs urgent medical care or is in immediate danger. Some children told counsellors they had already tried to kill themselves while others made attempts to do so while on the phone. Almost a third of suicidal callers told volunteers they had been physically abused, with one in five children disclosing sexual abuse.

Ten-year-old Sophie told a counsellor: "I hate my life now dad's gone because I get blamed for everything and mum is in the pub every day.

Another child, Paul, 13, said: "I feel like killing myself. My mum and dad beat me and I'm getting bullied at school.

"I don't have anyone else to turn to except ChildLine. No one else would be able to help me. I'm scared of telling anyone."

Children can feel suicidal for a number of reasons, including family problems, bullying, abuse and exam stress, said Sue Minto, head of ChildLine.

The NSPCC said 80 per cent of calls to ChildLine about suicide were from girls, but calls from boys are rising fast and are now four times higher than five years ago.

When a child is so desperate that they feel being dead is less painful than being alive, you need to ask yourself this: WHY?

Isn't it about high time that both parents took full on responsibility to raise their child? Dads need to begin to take a much more active role in their child's upbringing. Ignorance is not an option and no longer a good enough excuse. There are numerous parenting workshops and throughout the UK, both online and classroom based. If you're a dad and you are seriously interested in attending a workshop, then feel free to attend the Amazing Dads Weekend that I host. It is absolutely free of charge.

In the meantime, the best way you can help prevent other families from the devastation caused by childhood suicide is through education. Send a link to this email to any parent you know. It's an investment in the future of our country and our world.

Harun Rabbani

Child labour works!

One of the activities that my sons enjoy the most is playing football together on weekends. They've developed into 9 and 7 year old experts in Premiership football and are now light years ahead of me on footballing news.

Last weekend, I thought we'd do something different. I asked them if they would help me with gardening work for their grandmother and us. The task was to dig up part of the lawn and turn it into a vegetable patch. The challenge was that the soil was pretty thick clay and it was and the roots of the grass were embedded deeply into the ground. So whilst I was digging up the top level of soil and grass, they collected it in a large bucket and carried to another part of the garden to offload it.

A seemingly trivial and simple exercise turned into something of great fascination. Kasim, my seven year old son, was delegating the work out between himself and Hamza, his 9 year old brother. They would ask each other if the other was tired and would swap over the bucket-carrying. This went on for 30 minutes.

Then I told them that we had 10-minutes left to finish the job and needed to speed up. That's exactly what they did. They were egging each other on and rooting for me, too.

By doing something simple as gardening, my children were able to unfold their leadership and team-playing skills in true technicolour. After they finished, they admitted that today was the best day ever!

How amazing is that when you can take everyday chores and turn it into a personal evolvement exercise for your child? There are hundreds of 'little' things you can do with your child and make it fun for both of you. Learning and evolving is not restricted to the cloisters of academia. The school of life provides much more opportunities than that. Have a go!

Harun Rabbani

How you create your outer world throught your inner reality

Here's a story that will help illustrate how dads can get caught up in a mess when they neglect how they create their own reality. Enjoy.

A client of mine was having the most awful time with his ex-partner. They seemed to be the perfect couple in the first few months of their relationship. However, most of their communication was remote (emails, telephone, etc) due to work and travel commitments. When they were with each other, they had a brilliant time. But they split up soon after they met. The relationship was indeed one of the most short-lived he’d experienced in his life.

However, there was one big challenge facing both of them. Shortly after seeing each other for the last time, his former partner revealede she got pregnant. No matter how much effort was made for reconciliation over the next few months, it became all too apparent that they were not going to be with each other.

Eventually, a beautiful baby girl was born. Both parents were elated. As the father was financially broke, he could not get to see his daughter who lived many thousands of miles away. He spent most of the next few months piecing his life back together but tried his best to stay in touch with his former partner. Unfortunately, over time, she was getting angrier and angrier with him for not 'showing' love to his daughter. He had no clue what she meant nor was she able to explain it so that he could understand.

Communication deteriorated rapidly between the two parents. On one hand, he was pleading to be kept up-to-date with his daughter’s progress. He kept promising her that as soon as it was possible, he would fly over to see the mother and daughter. Nine months passed and still nothing. He was still hand-to-mouth. And given, the state of the economic crisis hitting most of the developed world, his frustration of finding work was turning to despair.

On the other hand, his former partner’s written communication became more and more deriding of the father. Her language became more and more colourful. The man felt he was walking on eggshells. He wanted to call and email regularly, but found it very heart-breaking to connect due to the aggressive nature of her written and spoken word. But then, when he reduced his communications, she would condemn him even more for not caring enough to stay in touch. This was a no-win situation. The real loser was going to be the child no matter what either parents thought of the other.

When my client approached me for guidance, I reminded him that he created his own reality. The only thing he could change was his own inner reality. I asked him to separate the facts from opinions about his situation. He realised that the situation that he is in now was of his own making. His many micro-decisions ultimately led to his outer reality in which he lives.

But all was not lost. If you can create an inner reality that you really prefer not to have, then you can change it to one you prefer to enjoy. When he asked me about how he could change his former partner, I explained he can't. He can only change whether he reacts or whether he reponds to her. Once again, her outer reality is created from her inner world. The good news is that when he transforms himself to the being he chooses, then her world would transform...even if it was by a smidgen!

Harun Rabbani

Why is British Gang Culture prevailing...

...despite the continued increase in government expenditure into eliminating the evils associated with gangs?

The summer of 1982 was one of the most fun years of my childhood. Almost everyday, I'd go to my best friend's house to go out to play. We'd then go and call up two or three other friends who we'd agree to go to the park with. They would, in turn, call on their friends to meet up at a certain time. By the time we got together in Aston Park, we were 20-strong. We'd all attend the local youth club once or twice a week and we'd buy fish and chips from the local chippy (shop). Overall, we were carefree and worry-free.

I felt I belonged to something very special. An elite group of young friends who enjoyed fun and adventure. My friends were very much like family to me. Unfortunately, my dreams of belonging to this gang with no name came to an end in October 1982 when my dad announced we were going to move to Sunderland to join him at his take-away. He promised I'd get paid well if I worked for him by serving customers.

No matter how much was promised me and how rosy the picture was that my dad painted, I was devastated. I would tell my friends that we'd be back in a few weeks when things settled. Afterall, my dad moved us to Oldham in 1979 and we did return after 6 months.

Moving from cosmopolitan, multi-cultural Birmingham to white, working class Sunderland with its disproportionately high level of unemployment was more than a culture to me. I was now in a town where I was experiencing isolation, verbal aggression and racial discrimination. My mum and dad were so busy trying to keep the business afloat that we spent no private time together.

Because I was required to help my parents with the business, I was serving customers within an hour of returning from school till late at night everyday. Therefore, I had no opportunity to make new friends outside school.

This was a far-cry from being a member of a gang of young boys...who had little interest in violence bar what we saw in Bollywood movies. Living in the conditions we were in was all the motivation I needed to long to be back with my friends in Birmingham.

Now when I look at why young men and women join gangs, the answer is as plain as day to me. These young people are doing what young people have been doing for aeons...they want a sense of belonging...a sense of value to someone. Gangs offer one thing that many of today's Western communities are doing. They offer a sense of connection and belonging by being there for each other. This is irrespective of the nature of the gangs' raison d'etre.

Gangs offer what any organisation offers - a higher purpose. If you go and ask a class of teenage students from a non-faith school how many of them believe in a higher being, such as God, only a small minority will put up their hands. So even religion is failing these children. The accountability is much more attractive in gang cuture than even religion can offer, so it seems.

So what are the solutions to the devastation that takes place to a community such as the Stonebridge Park estate in London? Well, it's not incarceration. That's for sure. Imprisonment serves as a great apprenticeship for rookie and veteran gangsters. The answer lies in the very basics again. If you give a child the basic necessities that we all desire, then you can prevent the majority of children from falling into the trap of gang culture.

Every young man and woman needs that sense of love and belonging that families are there to provide. The breakdown of the extended family network leaves parents with the responsibility of ensuring their children are fully provided for and supported. Dads need to re-look at their own working and social patterns. A small amount of quality time invested with their children now will mean many more hours are not wasted trying to bail their child out of trouble later on.

In the face of material-led society, we need to think laterally and ensure the local community does not ignore its young and vulnerable. Youth clubs and homework clubs are much fewer than there should be. In fact, in some communities such as Hackney in London where there is a dure need for youth centres, there's either none or just one with sub-standard resources.

It's now time for mums and dads to step up to give the family environment to their children. And, perhaps mums and dads can support other young people by offering voluntary support to their local youth club. If there isn't such a club in your neighbourhood, then create one!

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part Three: Guilt

Growing up in multi-cultural Birmingham, I was exposed to different faiths and different cultures. Although, I seemed to be pretty decent guy, I couldn't understand why some of my urban 'friends' were getting caught up in crime and violence. As I got to know them at more personal level, I discovered that many of these young men (and women) were subjected to violence and emotional abuse.

One of the most common ways these young people were being motivated were through the use of guilt. A child is an explorer and adventurer who develops as an individual through their curiosity and desire to learn new things and try things out. If they behave in a manner not to their parents approval, they would be made to feel guilty by the use of harsh words (e.g. naughty boy/girl); or be told they were not good enough to deserve a reward; be told they have brought shame to the family. Of course, there are some who would resort to physical violence/abuse in order to control their child's behaviour.

Let's face it, this type of motivation does NOT work in developing an emotionally and mentally happy future adult. The world is full of violent and abusive people. The use of fear, shame and guilt has historically been the weapon of choice by dictatorial governments, organised religions and people in authority. Unfortunately, too many people are not conscious of this manipulation and do not realise it when they are using the very same weapons to raise children.

If you wish to help your child have a brighter future, just notice what kind of motivation you are using to raise your child. Don't do anything for now. Just notice.

Harun Rabbani

I haven't got time for this...

Have you ever been frustrated with not having enough time to do more of the things you want to do? Things like spending quality time with your children?

I know have. In fact, recently, my frustrations went beyond boiling point. So much so that I took a drastic measure. I started re-reading 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey.

In Covey's time-management quadrant, he talks about activities that are not important and not urgent to you. I looked at my own unimportant/non-urgent activities and wasn't surprised to find television-watching as the number one time-killer for me.

With further research, I discovered that the average adult spends approximately 2 hours a day watching TV. Children watch more TV. Sounds tame? Think again. I certainly thunk it good and proper when I calculated that on average, an adult can watch approximately 730 hours of television a year. That is an equivalent to being in front of the box for 30 days without any rest!

So why is it so important for dads who wish to consciously transform their realities and their children's to one of their own choosing? One of the key reasons people find it difficult to create their chosen reality is due to their lack of clarity and focus.

Do you realise how much more effective you would be in creating your own reality if you could de-clutter your mind for just 25% of the TV-watching time?

Everything that has been created that you can see, feel and hear began in someone's head as an idea. Should you choose to invest just 30 minutes a day on envisioning your future, you will become a powerful life transformer. Your child will develop the ability to become a conscious leader. At a minimum, they will substantially improve their personal leadership.

If you replaced just 2 hours a day from television (or any other non-important/non-urgent activity), you would gain one extra month a year doing and enjoying the things you would choose to have in your life. How amazing is that?!!

So today, go and invest 30 minutes just to work out what activities you do that are not urgent and not important to you. Get your child to do that, too. Then replace these activities with at least 30 minutes of envisioning the reality you want. Transform your life and you will have the power to help transform the life of your child.

Harun Rabbani

PS Very few television programs are educational. Your child would find it more fulfilling to actively learn by reading and doing rather than observing others.

Parents pay for the price of truancy

An average of one parent every two weeks is sent to prison in the UK during term time for failing to ensure their child is goes to school, says the Metro newspaper.

According to goverment figures, prosecutions of parents reached 10,000 in 2007, which is a rise of 76% since 2000. The unauthorised pupil absence was 0.7% in 2002 when the first parent was jailed for her children's persistent truancy. It had risen to 1.0% in 2007.

Clearly this is unacceptable. Nonetheless, it comes as no surprise that as parents are under more pressure to keep up with modern-day life and working patterns, they are spending less time and energy with their children.

The question arises if imprisoning parents will lead to less truancy? As a stand-alone measure, it would probably have very little effect. Unsurprisingly, this current government is doing what any other government has done in times of pressure - create draconian measures for challenges that could be dealt with more effective and less costly measures.

The fact of the matter is that more and more women are having to work to bring in an added income to keep the family flourishing. Traditionally, men have taken a backseat role when it came to managing the household and their children.

Fortunately, there are many fathers who are taking a more active role in the upbringing of their children. Children need both parents in their lives playing an active role. When a child is playing truant, he or she has many possible reasons for that to happen. When the mum AND the dad engage themselves more, do you think the reasons behind potential or actual truancy would be unearthed?

See you next time!

Harun Rabbani

The Children's Society Reinforces the Importance of dads

Yesterday, one of the biggest studies on children's lives was published by the Children's Society today. It backed up the traditional family unit and said that children of single parent households at the age of 3 are three times as likely to have behavioural problems.

Whilst, it cited several key issues that make life much harder for children, it emphasises the need for fathers to get more involved in the upbringing of their children....something that we've been stressing on this blog since its launch. I encourage you to get a copy of the document directly from the Children's Society website by clicking here.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

PS Don't forget to send in your stories about your relationship with your dad to harun@harunrabbani.com

What's your dad's story? Would you like to be published?

I'm currently writing up the final part of the Amazing Dads book. And I need your help.

The stories are of 'ordinary', everyday dads who have wonderful relationships with their child(ren). The book is a collection of stories to help inspire our readers of looking at the different ways fathers are building engaging relationships with their children. The book is in the genre of the Chicken Soup Series of books.

It's being written as a way to help give strategies to dads to build their confidence and ways to give their children the best foundation of development from childhood through to adulthood. The book is primarily aimed at dads between 16 and 16 years of age.

* Each story is between 600 and 2000 words (approx).
* The story will be about a specific event that shows an example how that dad truly connected with their child at the highest level.
* The story could be from the perspective of a child, wife, friend and even the dad.
* The dad could be anyone from an 'ordinary Joe', a leader, a celebrity. The wider the range of backgrounds, the better.

So how can you help?There are three specific ways you can help me....

1. Share YOUR story
2. Tell the story of another dad and their child/children
3. Refer 3-5 people who would make great candidates for this book.

Please know that there is no such thing as an ordinary dad. Everybody has a story to tell. So what's yours? I know you have a dad, too!!!

How do you tell the story?

1. Either write the story about the dad you wish to share about. If you take this option, ideally, I would love to get the story on 'Word' within 10 days.
2. I interview the heroes of the story or the story-teller myself over the telephone, Skype or MSN Messenger. I would do this within 7 days of agreeing on the story.

Your story will be checked by our copywriter and then our editor.

I hope the fact that you are transforming the lives of fathers and their children worldwide is a sufficient enough incentive. It sure is for me.

Please note that there will be a simple agreement form to sign should you wish to share your story. This book is something that is long overdue and is something that I am very passionate about. If you're ready to go ahead, just say 'yes'. I will then get the ball rolling.

Thank you for your support no matter how big or how humble.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

PS My deadline to collect over 100 stories is the February 28th 2009. So please hurry!!!

The New Story, Part Two: Shame

I was real excited. My favourite teacher who was also the head of the school, Mr Matthews, was going to be presiding over our class for the mental arithmetic test. We were 10 years old and we thought our Head Teacher was cool. I liked Mr Matthews because he was good at his (stressful) job AND yet he still managed to keep a smile. He also liked me because he could see my potential, expecting me to be nothing less than a doctor when I grew up.


After the test was completed, Mr Matthews went through all the questions and answers with the class. We all did fine except for question 12. That question stumped everyone. Well, everyone bar one clever clogs. Me! When I gave the correct answer, Mr Matthews walked towards my desk with a Cheshire Cat grin and took my workbook to the front of the room to show the class the great example I set. But as quickly his face changed from a smile to bright read with anger. He threw my exercise book halfway across the room towards me...I got the answer right but my method of working out was not what he expected.

In that moment, I went from being joyful with my victory to feeling total humiliation. I hung my head down low in shame and just wished the earth would swallow me up. I couldn't bare to think what the other kids would be thinking or how they'd tease me afterwards.

Although this experience has not left me seeking psychiatric help for the rest of my life, the cumulative effect of feeling shame can be severely traumatic. In order to motivate children, many are told of the various punishments they could receive if they don't behave in a certain way. For example, they would become an outcast; be the black sheep; be damned to hell for behaving a certain way.

The trouble with parents and teachers using shame as a way to motivate their children is that the child develops the victim mentality. They feel their life is being hampered by other people, circumstances and the environment for the much of their adult life. I've seen people stress over 'what other people will say' so much so that they fall ill from shame. And I'm sure you've heard of people have heart attacks from such shame. Honour killings are more than rife in certain communities just because the young adult (often young women and girls) brought shame to their family by dating or eloping against the family's will.

Could I over-emphasise the negative impact of using 'shame' to get your child to take action or stop misbehaving? The consequences of which are usually dire. Needless to say, there are much more empowering ways to motivate your child.

Stay tuned to find out what your alternatives are in the New Story series of blogs.

To your parenting success!

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part One: Fear

In this next series of blogs, I want to talk about something hugely transformational that is taking place. It's the creation of the New Story. It is here to stay. The New Story will be the unfolding of a higher level of consciousness at a global level. It is the very thing that will bring nations closer together, cross-cultural communities working in harmony with each other and children achieving a much higher level of personal consciousness, i.e. a much more awakened state. Fathers will be playing a much greater role in the unfolding of the New Story. They will be setting the foundations of this better world.

However, there is a sabotaging mechanism that has been installed into most people that needs to be managed right now before we can even start realistically building the foundations of higher conscious children. That sabotaging mechanism is the 'old program'. It's like a software which has long past its shelf-life.

In the next series of blogs, I will be sharing with you about the old program and, later on, the new story and how dads play a vital role in its unfolding. First of all, I want to begin with the mother of the old program - fear, shame and guilt.

As a child, growing up in an urban neighbourhood in Birmingham probably toughened me up for many of life's challenges that would lay ahead for me. But, as much as I see some of the benefits, I would not wish for any child to live in such conditions that I endured.

In order to prepare me for life 'on the streets', my dad ruled his family with an iron rod...sometimes literally. The end result was that all of his six children lived in fear of being on the receiving end of his wrath. We all knew what the consequences would be if we said or did anything that caught his attention in the wrong way.

Living in fear left a lot of collateral damage. We'd moved to Sunderland in 1982 when I was 12. My father had a business that was on the brink of collapse and needed his family's help. So we moved lock, stock and barrel 200 miles north from cosmopolitan Birmingham to a almost white only neighbourhood. Unfortunately, Sunderland was under economic collapse in those days due to the loss of thousands of jobs in coal-mining and ship-building. Much of the population of Sunderland was affected by the high unemployment. Couple that with a low level of education, moving to Sunderland was a recipe for disaster for people of colour.

Now, not only was working with my father and in fear. I was on the receiving end of racial abuse and violent threats at school. As I was the only one of two people of colour (the other guy was Chinese), I was a curiosity shop for the thousand strong population of my secondary school.

Everyday was about going to school and keeping an eye out for who may potentially attack me or make racist remarks. It truly felt like I was surviving by the skin of my teeth. Then I would reach home, quickly get my homework done and get myself downstairs to open the doors to our Indian take-away. Once again, my family were living in fear of racist attacks and I was living in fear of my father's anger.

The result of such negative emotion turned me from being an outgoing young man to an introverted boy who would only have one word answers to any questions anyone asked him. I was in survival mode. I locked myself up in a shell, which I only began to break out of after 3-4 years of Martial Arts training and escaping from the environment I was living in.

The wierd thing is that I never doubted my father's love for me. He just did what he knew best, i.e. survival.

When I look back at those days now, I don't resent my personal experience. Instead, I realise I could be one of many people to voice the conditions others live. In today's current economic climate, whilst everybody is worried about their jobs and having enough cash to live on, let us be reminded that thousands of children are being effected by the stress that their parents are bringing home.

Many children are living in fear of isolation, violence, neglect and abuse. The victims (the children) will absorb it into their psyche and may even carry it on into the next generation of children. Fortunately, not all become rapists, wife-beaters, murderers or dictators. But how do we know who will become what? Is it worth taking the risk?

Ultimately, we live in a global society where the few powers that be control the masses through the use of fear...the fear of job loss, the fear of attack from another nation, the fear of not being loved because your too fat, too thin, etc; the fear of defeat, the fear of death, the fear of ill health, and much, much more. 2009 in Britain is predicted to produce the biggest economic slump since the Second World War. How's that for making you feel paranoid about your job security or your business cash flow?

By playing to your fears, the corporate giants, politicians, governments and institutions (including religious) manipulate your thinking and behaviour to the way they wish for you to act. That is the nature of low consciousness. And, that's how most politicians come to power. This effect cascades right down to the grass-roots level to the individual and families.

No matter how much effort you put into changing the outside world, nothing happens until you change yourself. By changing how you think and behave towards your child, you change the world. Imagine if every father (and mother) nurtured their children without having to resort to the use of fear. How much more empowered could our children be?

Just to clarify, fear isn't just about fear of violence. Any kind of threat that will create this negative emotion, such as making the child feel you won't love them if they behave in a certain way, is a strong fear-creator.

Later on, you'll hear more about what options dads are left with.

All the best,

Harun Rabbani

PS Don't forget to visit the new Amazing Dads website by clicking here