Why is British Gang Culture prevailing...

...despite the continued increase in government expenditure into eliminating the evils associated with gangs?

The summer of 1982 was one of the most fun years of my childhood. Almost everyday, I'd go to my best friend's house to go out to play. We'd then go and call up two or three other friends who we'd agree to go to the park with. They would, in turn, call on their friends to meet up at a certain time. By the time we got together in Aston Park, we were 20-strong. We'd all attend the local youth club once or twice a week and we'd buy fish and chips from the local chippy (shop). Overall, we were carefree and worry-free.

I felt I belonged to something very special. An elite group of young friends who enjoyed fun and adventure. My friends were very much like family to me. Unfortunately, my dreams of belonging to this gang with no name came to an end in October 1982 when my dad announced we were going to move to Sunderland to join him at his take-away. He promised I'd get paid well if I worked for him by serving customers.

No matter how much was promised me and how rosy the picture was that my dad painted, I was devastated. I would tell my friends that we'd be back in a few weeks when things settled. Afterall, my dad moved us to Oldham in 1979 and we did return after 6 months.

Moving from cosmopolitan, multi-cultural Birmingham to white, working class Sunderland with its disproportionately high level of unemployment was more than a culture to me. I was now in a town where I was experiencing isolation, verbal aggression and racial discrimination. My mum and dad were so busy trying to keep the business afloat that we spent no private time together.

Because I was required to help my parents with the business, I was serving customers within an hour of returning from school till late at night everyday. Therefore, I had no opportunity to make new friends outside school.

This was a far-cry from being a member of a gang of young boys...who had little interest in violence bar what we saw in Bollywood movies. Living in the conditions we were in was all the motivation I needed to long to be back with my friends in Birmingham.

Now when I look at why young men and women join gangs, the answer is as plain as day to me. These young people are doing what young people have been doing for aeons...they want a sense of belonging...a sense of value to someone. Gangs offer one thing that many of today's Western communities are doing. They offer a sense of connection and belonging by being there for each other. This is irrespective of the nature of the gangs' raison d'etre.

Gangs offer what any organisation offers - a higher purpose. If you go and ask a class of teenage students from a non-faith school how many of them believe in a higher being, such as God, only a small minority will put up their hands. So even religion is failing these children. The accountability is much more attractive in gang cuture than even religion can offer, so it seems.

So what are the solutions to the devastation that takes place to a community such as the Stonebridge Park estate in London? Well, it's not incarceration. That's for sure. Imprisonment serves as a great apprenticeship for rookie and veteran gangsters. The answer lies in the very basics again. If you give a child the basic necessities that we all desire, then you can prevent the majority of children from falling into the trap of gang culture.

Every young man and woman needs that sense of love and belonging that families are there to provide. The breakdown of the extended family network leaves parents with the responsibility of ensuring their children are fully provided for and supported. Dads need to re-look at their own working and social patterns. A small amount of quality time invested with their children now will mean many more hours are not wasted trying to bail their child out of trouble later on.

In the face of material-led society, we need to think laterally and ensure the local community does not ignore its young and vulnerable. Youth clubs and homework clubs are much fewer than there should be. In fact, in some communities such as Hackney in London where there is a dure need for youth centres, there's either none or just one with sub-standard resources.

It's now time for mums and dads to step up to give the family environment to their children. And, perhaps mums and dads can support other young people by offering voluntary support to their local youth club. If there isn't such a club in your neighbourhood, then create one!

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part Three: Guilt

Growing up in multi-cultural Birmingham, I was exposed to different faiths and different cultures. Although, I seemed to be pretty decent guy, I couldn't understand why some of my urban 'friends' were getting caught up in crime and violence. As I got to know them at more personal level, I discovered that many of these young men (and women) were subjected to violence and emotional abuse.

One of the most common ways these young people were being motivated were through the use of guilt. A child is an explorer and adventurer who develops as an individual through their curiosity and desire to learn new things and try things out. If they behave in a manner not to their parents approval, they would be made to feel guilty by the use of harsh words (e.g. naughty boy/girl); or be told they were not good enough to deserve a reward; be told they have brought shame to the family. Of course, there are some who would resort to physical violence/abuse in order to control their child's behaviour.

Let's face it, this type of motivation does NOT work in developing an emotionally and mentally happy future adult. The world is full of violent and abusive people. The use of fear, shame and guilt has historically been the weapon of choice by dictatorial governments, organised religions and people in authority. Unfortunately, too many people are not conscious of this manipulation and do not realise it when they are using the very same weapons to raise children.

If you wish to help your child have a brighter future, just notice what kind of motivation you are using to raise your child. Don't do anything for now. Just notice.

Harun Rabbani

I haven't got time for this...

Have you ever been frustrated with not having enough time to do more of the things you want to do? Things like spending quality time with your children?

I know have. In fact, recently, my frustrations went beyond boiling point. So much so that I took a drastic measure. I started re-reading 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey.

In Covey's time-management quadrant, he talks about activities that are not important and not urgent to you. I looked at my own unimportant/non-urgent activities and wasn't surprised to find television-watching as the number one time-killer for me.

With further research, I discovered that the average adult spends approximately 2 hours a day watching TV. Children watch more TV. Sounds tame? Think again. I certainly thunk it good and proper when I calculated that on average, an adult can watch approximately 730 hours of television a year. That is an equivalent to being in front of the box for 30 days without any rest!

So why is it so important for dads who wish to consciously transform their realities and their children's to one of their own choosing? One of the key reasons people find it difficult to create their chosen reality is due to their lack of clarity and focus.

Do you realise how much more effective you would be in creating your own reality if you could de-clutter your mind for just 25% of the TV-watching time?

Everything that has been created that you can see, feel and hear began in someone's head as an idea. Should you choose to invest just 30 minutes a day on envisioning your future, you will become a powerful life transformer. Your child will develop the ability to become a conscious leader. At a minimum, they will substantially improve their personal leadership.

If you replaced just 2 hours a day from television (or any other non-important/non-urgent activity), you would gain one extra month a year doing and enjoying the things you would choose to have in your life. How amazing is that?!!

So today, go and invest 30 minutes just to work out what activities you do that are not urgent and not important to you. Get your child to do that, too. Then replace these activities with at least 30 minutes of envisioning the reality you want. Transform your life and you will have the power to help transform the life of your child.

Harun Rabbani

PS Very few television programs are educational. Your child would find it more fulfilling to actively learn by reading and doing rather than observing others.

Parents pay for the price of truancy

An average of one parent every two weeks is sent to prison in the UK during term time for failing to ensure their child is goes to school, says the Metro newspaper.

According to goverment figures, prosecutions of parents reached 10,000 in 2007, which is a rise of 76% since 2000. The unauthorised pupil absence was 0.7% in 2002 when the first parent was jailed for her children's persistent truancy. It had risen to 1.0% in 2007.

Clearly this is unacceptable. Nonetheless, it comes as no surprise that as parents are under more pressure to keep up with modern-day life and working patterns, they are spending less time and energy with their children.

The question arises if imprisoning parents will lead to less truancy? As a stand-alone measure, it would probably have very little effect. Unsurprisingly, this current government is doing what any other government has done in times of pressure - create draconian measures for challenges that could be dealt with more effective and less costly measures.

The fact of the matter is that more and more women are having to work to bring in an added income to keep the family flourishing. Traditionally, men have taken a backseat role when it came to managing the household and their children.

Fortunately, there are many fathers who are taking a more active role in the upbringing of their children. Children need both parents in their lives playing an active role. When a child is playing truant, he or she has many possible reasons for that to happen. When the mum AND the dad engage themselves more, do you think the reasons behind potential or actual truancy would be unearthed?

See you next time!

Harun Rabbani

The Children's Society Reinforces the Importance of dads

Yesterday, one of the biggest studies on children's lives was published by the Children's Society today. It backed up the traditional family unit and said that children of single parent households at the age of 3 are three times as likely to have behavioural problems.

Whilst, it cited several key issues that make life much harder for children, it emphasises the need for fathers to get more involved in the upbringing of their children....something that we've been stressing on this blog since its launch. I encourage you to get a copy of the document directly from the Children's Society website by clicking here.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

PS Don't forget to send in your stories about your relationship with your dad to harun@harunrabbani.com