The New Story, Part Three: Guilt

Growing up in multi-cultural Birmingham, I was exposed to different faiths and different cultures. Although, I seemed to be pretty decent guy, I couldn't understand why some of my urban 'friends' were getting caught up in crime and violence. As I got to know them at more personal level, I discovered that many of these young men (and women) were subjected to violence and emotional abuse.

One of the most common ways these young people were being motivated were through the use of guilt. A child is an explorer and adventurer who develops as an individual through their curiosity and desire to learn new things and try things out. If they behave in a manner not to their parents approval, they would be made to feel guilty by the use of harsh words (e.g. naughty boy/girl); or be told they were not good enough to deserve a reward; be told they have brought shame to the family. Of course, there are some who would resort to physical violence/abuse in order to control their child's behaviour.

Let's face it, this type of motivation does NOT work in developing an emotionally and mentally happy future adult. The world is full of violent and abusive people. The use of fear, shame and guilt has historically been the weapon of choice by dictatorial governments, organised religions and people in authority. Unfortunately, too many people are not conscious of this manipulation and do not realise it when they are using the very same weapons to raise children.

If you wish to help your child have a brighter future, just notice what kind of motivation you are using to raise your child. Don't do anything for now. Just notice.

Harun Rabbani