Last night, I was watching a program on BBC TV that resonates with me more than any show - "Speaker". In the years of delivering interactive workshops, the public speaking workshops have the quickest impact on a child's confidence. If you missed last night's penultimate episode, then click here to catch up with the program. Make sure you're glued to next Tuesday's final.
If your child ever gets a chance to stand up and speak in public, give them all the encouragement they need. It's a skill that they will nor forget quickly. It's also something that will help them in their education and their future career. Many a good and great leader was once a child public speaker.
Harun Rabbani
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Sleep deprived children show symptoms of ADHD
Have you ever wondered why some children are so much more hyperactive than others?
The BBC News reported that children whose average sleep duration was shorter than 7.7 hours had a higher hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour score. (Please note: the 7.7 hours refers to time in actual sleep. Bear in mind, your child will need more time in bed to take into account bedtime reading and staying awake.)
What does that mean to you? Sleep deprived adults face problems of concentration lapses and being less emotionally stable. However the consequences on a child’s life and their future are dire. It means your child has a reduced ability to concentrate at school and a higher tendency to be behaviourally challenged.
Clearly, this will affect your child’s ability to realise their academic potential, not to mention be more susceptible to be bullied or become a bully. Controversial, I know. However, given the record numbers of children being bullied at school and 40% of teachers being subjugated to student bullying, this is a serious matter that teaching professionals are having a tough time with.
Prevention is better than cure. Ensuring your child gets a good night’s sleep allows them to fully recuperate for a productive day ahead.
Harun Rabbani
The BBC News reported that children whose average sleep duration was shorter than 7.7 hours had a higher hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour score. (Please note: the 7.7 hours refers to time in actual sleep. Bear in mind, your child will need more time in bed to take into account bedtime reading and staying awake.)
What does that mean to you? Sleep deprived adults face problems of concentration lapses and being less emotionally stable. However the consequences on a child’s life and their future are dire. It means your child has a reduced ability to concentrate at school and a higher tendency to be behaviourally challenged.
Clearly, this will affect your child’s ability to realise their academic potential, not to mention be more susceptible to be bullied or become a bully. Controversial, I know. However, given the record numbers of children being bullied at school and 40% of teachers being subjugated to student bullying, this is a serious matter that teaching professionals are having a tough time with.
Prevention is better than cure. Ensuring your child gets a good night’s sleep allows them to fully recuperate for a productive day ahead.
Harun Rabbani
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
The New Story, Part Four: The Key to Handling Fear
We live in a world of duality. Everything has its equal and opposite. Look around you and you see evidence everywhere. This is something that my children love learning about. For example, have you ever touched those prickly stinging nettles that you find growing in undergrowth in woods and in parks or even in untamed English gardens?
Although the nettles do leave a nasty, stinging sensation, they have a cure very close by. Everywhere you find stinging nettles, you will find the broad dock leaves growing nearby. Once you've been stung, all you need to do is to rub a dock leaf on the part of your body to counteract the effect of the nettles.
Everything in the manifest world has its equal and opposite. This is Mother Nature's way of keeping checks and balances.
So it is true about 'e'-motions and feelings. Fear is one of the biggest fuels for the 'Ego'. The more you are fearful of something, the bigger the Ego becomes. (I'll explain Ego more clearly in a future blog.)
When you try to motivate your child through fear, you are in fact feeding and growing their Ego.
The Ego lives off victimhood. This then reinforces the desire for that child to unconsciously seek out things that they feel fearful of. Then when that happens, the Ego gets all the juice it needs to become more of a 'victim'.
Have you noticed, for example, that people who are 'victims' of circumstance and prey to their environment and everybody else's opinions and behaviours. The Self, however, sees the world from a different perspective. Instead of seeing problems, they have challenges. Instead of being in a recession, they're looking out for the opportunities. Instead blaming others for their condition, they choose to learn from their experiences.
In my humble opinion, the key to handling fear is to know that with every 'negative' situation, its positive counterpart is thriving in equal amount. Where you find something to be sad about, when you look you'll find something else to be happy about. Out of every sadness, joy is also to be found.
So for example, if your child does not pass a test at school, it is a great way to recognise where they can improve on. Or when your child comes last in a race at school, they may learn a new way of becoming better in that race or get more motivated to train harder or even find a sport that they do excel in.
In the case of specific fears, do as Susan Jeffers recommends - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
The New Story is the unfolding of a generation of future leaders who will not lead their lives by being motivated by fear, shame and guilt. They will excel despite that and because they choose to use emotions that are energy creating such as compassion, empathy, love and courage....the latter being the equal and opposite of fear.
Help your son and daughter to create balance in their life by seeing the upside to every downside and by making them aware that every upside has its counterbalance. Make sure you do both gently and with plenty of loving.
Harun Rabbani
Although the nettles do leave a nasty, stinging sensation, they have a cure very close by. Everywhere you find stinging nettles, you will find the broad dock leaves growing nearby. Once you've been stung, all you need to do is to rub a dock leaf on the part of your body to counteract the effect of the nettles.
Everything in the manifest world has its equal and opposite. This is Mother Nature's way of keeping checks and balances.
So it is true about 'e'-motions and feelings. Fear is one of the biggest fuels for the 'Ego'. The more you are fearful of something, the bigger the Ego becomes. (I'll explain Ego more clearly in a future blog.)
When you try to motivate your child through fear, you are in fact feeding and growing their Ego.
The Ego lives off victimhood. This then reinforces the desire for that child to unconsciously seek out things that they feel fearful of. Then when that happens, the Ego gets all the juice it needs to become more of a 'victim'.
Have you noticed, for example, that people who are 'victims' of circumstance and prey to their environment and everybody else's opinions and behaviours. The Self, however, sees the world from a different perspective. Instead of seeing problems, they have challenges. Instead of being in a recession, they're looking out for the opportunities. Instead blaming others for their condition, they choose to learn from their experiences.
In my humble opinion, the key to handling fear is to know that with every 'negative' situation, its positive counterpart is thriving in equal amount. Where you find something to be sad about, when you look you'll find something else to be happy about. Out of every sadness, joy is also to be found.
So for example, if your child does not pass a test at school, it is a great way to recognise where they can improve on. Or when your child comes last in a race at school, they may learn a new way of becoming better in that race or get more motivated to train harder or even find a sport that they do excel in.
In the case of specific fears, do as Susan Jeffers recommends - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
The New Story is the unfolding of a generation of future leaders who will not lead their lives by being motivated by fear, shame and guilt. They will excel despite that and because they choose to use emotions that are energy creating such as compassion, empathy, love and courage....the latter being the equal and opposite of fear.
Help your son and daughter to create balance in their life by seeing the upside to every downside and by making them aware that every upside has its counterbalance. Make sure you do both gently and with plenty of loving.
Harun Rabbani
Friday, 10 April 2009
The pain of worrying what others would say...
When I became a dad for the first time, my own family expected me to be a strict, regimented and temperamental disciplinarian. Much to their surprise, I 'turned' out to be quite the opposite to that. My family based their assumptions of me as a dad based on their experience with our own father. They expected me to be everything that he was.
However, I used my experience as 'market research', as described by Richard Wilkins. My dad taught me many of the ways I should not be a father. For example, he never expressed his love verbally. He was never comfortable with that. But I was quite surprised when once in my adult life, he found it in himself to tell me how much he hated me. To this day, he still 'cannot' express his love.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want to share the biggest research material I got from being a child of my father. His biggest stressor is not related to his health. It's not related to his wealth. It's not related to any physical, mental or emotional disease. However, he does have all these conditions and it stems from his fear of what other people would say.
Let me explain. My dad grew up in a village where he was constantly in survival mode since being orphaned at the age of 8. As a child, he made his way through into his adulthood by literally fighting his way there. In his mind, he had (has) a reputation of being someone that everybody fears. Nobody would dare cross his path. Nobody would dare to speak to him in a 'disrespectul' way to him, i.e. they would never disagree with him.
Indeed he was a very persuasive man. People took heed of him. His older brothers listened to him and did as he would say. His many nephews all feared him as did his younger sisters. All in all, he had a reputation.
However, he could never understand why when everybody obeys him, why none of his children would obey his every order with no question. Unfortunately, my dad lived in a world of fantasy. Whilst he was disgusted with his children and even resented their 'behaviour', we - his children - lived in constant fear of being shouted or being beaten with a stick, sandal or anything that would inflict pain. The higher you were in the age pecking order, the more you were his object of anger and blame. I was the oldest of six.
Yes, for many years I was a very angry child. A very angry young man. I heard about alcholic fathers violating their children. But what was my dad's excuse? The only answer I could find (and still do) was that he was afraid of what would be say about this lion of a man who was a complete whimp with his own children. He couldn't even manage to get his children to listen to him.
The consequences to my siblings and me of my father's fear of what other people would say included being physically and emotionally battered, forced marriage of one of my sisters, me running away from home, emotional scarring and depression. But the worst affected was himself - constant ill health, stress, worry, fear, resetlessness and a sense of isolation and abandonment.
Unfortunately, my father is from a generation where they never need help, advice or support from their own children. In fact, giving any kind of advice to him was one of the most offensive things my siblings or I could do.
So how all this make me a better father? In many ways. In the case of this blog, I want to mention two key learning lessons.
Firstly, you are already a perfect being as you are...spiritually. Your attitude and behaviour is a manifestation of childhood conditioning. If you are perfect, then you are more than capable of raising your child without the interference of do-gooders - usually in the form of 'family' and 'friends'. Let your love for your children and your trust in their perfection be your guide.
Secondly, be very mindful of the words that leave your mouth when you are speaking with your kids. NEVER allow words with low vibrational energy to be uttered by yourself. Using fear and shame words does NOT work. For example, I remember once my dad say to me how much he 'hated me from the time I was 12 years old'. I was not upset. On the contrary, it felt like the bond between the two of us snapped irrepairably for good. Use words of praise and love to express your feelings. They work. They truly do. I know because I use it with my children all the time.
Harun Rabbani
However, I used my experience as 'market research', as described by Richard Wilkins. My dad taught me many of the ways I should not be a father. For example, he never expressed his love verbally. He was never comfortable with that. But I was quite surprised when once in my adult life, he found it in himself to tell me how much he hated me. To this day, he still 'cannot' express his love.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want to share the biggest research material I got from being a child of my father. His biggest stressor is not related to his health. It's not related to his wealth. It's not related to any physical, mental or emotional disease. However, he does have all these conditions and it stems from his fear of what other people would say.
Let me explain. My dad grew up in a village where he was constantly in survival mode since being orphaned at the age of 8. As a child, he made his way through into his adulthood by literally fighting his way there. In his mind, he had (has) a reputation of being someone that everybody fears. Nobody would dare cross his path. Nobody would dare to speak to him in a 'disrespectul' way to him, i.e. they would never disagree with him.
Indeed he was a very persuasive man. People took heed of him. His older brothers listened to him and did as he would say. His many nephews all feared him as did his younger sisters. All in all, he had a reputation.
However, he could never understand why when everybody obeys him, why none of his children would obey his every order with no question. Unfortunately, my dad lived in a world of fantasy. Whilst he was disgusted with his children and even resented their 'behaviour', we - his children - lived in constant fear of being shouted or being beaten with a stick, sandal or anything that would inflict pain. The higher you were in the age pecking order, the more you were his object of anger and blame. I was the oldest of six.
Yes, for many years I was a very angry child. A very angry young man. I heard about alcholic fathers violating their children. But what was my dad's excuse? The only answer I could find (and still do) was that he was afraid of what would be say about this lion of a man who was a complete whimp with his own children. He couldn't even manage to get his children to listen to him.
The consequences to my siblings and me of my father's fear of what other people would say included being physically and emotionally battered, forced marriage of one of my sisters, me running away from home, emotional scarring and depression. But the worst affected was himself - constant ill health, stress, worry, fear, resetlessness and a sense of isolation and abandonment.
Unfortunately, my father is from a generation where they never need help, advice or support from their own children. In fact, giving any kind of advice to him was one of the most offensive things my siblings or I could do.
So how all this make me a better father? In many ways. In the case of this blog, I want to mention two key learning lessons.
Firstly, you are already a perfect being as you are...spiritually. Your attitude and behaviour is a manifestation of childhood conditioning. If you are perfect, then you are more than capable of raising your child without the interference of do-gooders - usually in the form of 'family' and 'friends'. Let your love for your children and your trust in their perfection be your guide.
Secondly, be very mindful of the words that leave your mouth when you are speaking with your kids. NEVER allow words with low vibrational energy to be uttered by yourself. Using fear and shame words does NOT work. For example, I remember once my dad say to me how much he 'hated me from the time I was 12 years old'. I was not upset. On the contrary, it felt like the bond between the two of us snapped irrepairably for good. Use words of praise and love to express your feelings. They work. They truly do. I know because I use it with my children all the time.
Harun Rabbani
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Handling your child's hyperactivity & guided meditation
Have you ever been frustrated with and overactive child and wondered how you can temper their hyperactivity?
One of the most powerful ways to help your child be 'still' and at a place of calm is through meditation...more specifically guided meditation. In our fast-paced society, we are in such a hurry everyday that it comes as no surprise our children follow suit. T.V. dinners, fast travel, edge-of-the-seat entertainment and so on.
Meditation has many positive effects on an individual. But let's concentrate on the calming effect it has on a child. During guided meditation, the guide (ideally you) takes them through a balanced breathing process - 4 secs breathing in and 4 secs breathing out, for example. The child is guided by talking them through the breathing for a 60 to 90 seconds. Once the breathing has stabilised, you can talk them through an imaginary walk through a park; observing the stillness of the lake; watching the swan swimming, etc.
The whole idea is to help them use their imagination to conjure up an image of calmness and stillness. The calming effect that guided meditation has on your child is immediately obvious. But the key is not to overdo it. Start off with a 5 minute meditation and work your way to 10-20 mins. However, do it every day or every other day. That way it becomes habitual.
When I've guided my sons through meditation, not only are they more calm and collected, they also share with me how many creative come into their head. There is a by-product of guided meditation. You can't help be affected yourself.
There are countless books on the wonders of meditation. However, until you've practised this wonderful art, you will never experience the joys of meditation.
Harun Rabbani
One of the most powerful ways to help your child be 'still' and at a place of calm is through meditation...more specifically guided meditation. In our fast-paced society, we are in such a hurry everyday that it comes as no surprise our children follow suit. T.V. dinners, fast travel, edge-of-the-seat entertainment and so on.
Meditation has many positive effects on an individual. But let's concentrate on the calming effect it has on a child. During guided meditation, the guide (ideally you) takes them through a balanced breathing process - 4 secs breathing in and 4 secs breathing out, for example. The child is guided by talking them through the breathing for a 60 to 90 seconds. Once the breathing has stabilised, you can talk them through an imaginary walk through a park; observing the stillness of the lake; watching the swan swimming, etc.
The whole idea is to help them use their imagination to conjure up an image of calmness and stillness. The calming effect that guided meditation has on your child is immediately obvious. But the key is not to overdo it. Start off with a 5 minute meditation and work your way to 10-20 mins. However, do it every day or every other day. That way it becomes habitual.
When I've guided my sons through meditation, not only are they more calm and collected, they also share with me how many creative come into their head. There is a by-product of guided meditation. You can't help be affected yourself.
There are countless books on the wonders of meditation. However, until you've practised this wonderful art, you will never experience the joys of meditation.
Harun Rabbani
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
The Traditional Fathering Role Still Rules Supreme...
Can the traditional role of a father still exist in the 21st century world?
Of course it can. There are many societies who still have the father as the head of house and his only involvement is in providing a roof over the head, shirt on the backs of their children and food on the table. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is a successful model that works in places like Sierra Leone, parts of India and parts of Bangladesh.
In such societies, the extended family unit is common place. There's a saying which is very apt ' 'It takes a village to raise a man' - or something like that. In other words, the nurturing of the child is a communal affair not just the duty of the mother or just the father.
However, if you are reading this blog, you're probably living in in a country where family breakdown is common, let alone having tight communities. The key question is - are you leaving the upbringing of your child to your community and does it serve the purpose of becoming a healthy, well-balanced adult?
Harun Rabbani
Of course it can. There are many societies who still have the father as the head of house and his only involvement is in providing a roof over the head, shirt on the backs of their children and food on the table. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is a successful model that works in places like Sierra Leone, parts of India and parts of Bangladesh.
In such societies, the extended family unit is common place. There's a saying which is very apt ' 'It takes a village to raise a man' - or something like that. In other words, the nurturing of the child is a communal affair not just the duty of the mother or just the father.
However, if you are reading this blog, you're probably living in in a country where family breakdown is common, let alone having tight communities. The key question is - are you leaving the upbringing of your child to your community and does it serve the purpose of becoming a healthy, well-balanced adult?
Harun Rabbani
Monday, 6 April 2009
Great news on Amazing Dads Book
You have no idea on how excited I am today. I've just been given the go ahead to include the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt in my forthcoming book on amazing dads. Check this video out.
I am still looking for stories from you. Bring it on!
I am still looking for stories from you. Bring it on!
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