Being an Amazing Dad

What's your story?

2009-05-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest challenges that dads of all ages and cultures have is the lack of role models to learn from. How much better would the world be if all children had an inspirational relationship with their dad? Wouldn’t the world be a much better place?

Then may be you can help.

Do you have a dad’s story you would like to share with the rest of the world?

Would you like to inspire thousands of dads to take positive action?

Would you like to leave a lasting legacy with the children of the world?

If you’re answer is an emphatic YES, then please read on…

I’m looking for stories that will inspire the hearts and minds of dads across the world. The stories can be as short as you like – anything from 200 up to 2,000 words. Here’s the great news! You do not have to be a dad to write the story.

I am looking for first hand stories from you if you are a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a friend, etc. In other words – ANYBODY. Very importantly, the story must be either:

A. Something that you have experienced personally
B. Observed personally
C. Wrote about somebody else who has given you a personal interview

If you wish to contribute your story or wsh to find out more about the book, please contact me directly by sending an email to harun@harunrabbani.com or speak to me directly through the social networking site where you and I are connected, i.e. Twitter, Ecademy, Facebook.

I am very excited about this project and I look forward to a phenomenal relationship with you.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

When all else fails in motivating your child to behave...

2009-05-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

...have a go at having a conversation with them.

I have a 12 year old nephew who has mastered the art of getting into trouble with every authority figure going. He is the archetypal Dennis the Menace. His teachers are tearing their hair out trying to manage him. His parents are going stir crazy wondering how come he's turned out the way he has.

Unfortunately, by getting himself into so much trouble, he seems to get very little affection from anybody. Nonetheless, he is still a child. I still believe he needs to be shown loving and to be treated like he is intelligent.

Earlier this evening, I sat him down with my two younger sons and started talking to them about the way the cardiovascular system and the nervous system operate. I also told them about how stress affects both those systems. Would you believe the 12 year old boy along with my 7 and 9 year old sons all understood? Hell yeah! When you give a child the chance to be intelligent, they become that.

Then we went onto to discuss the universal law of reflection. This means what characeristics you see in others, you already possess. In other words, you see the world as you are. Through the discussion, we highlighted the positives and some areas for development. Two things came out of the conversation:

1. My nephew, a.k.a. Dennis, realised that although he finds everything he does as funny, he is usually the only one in the class to be laughing. He also got that others were laughing at him - not with him.

2. In order to help him relax more, my nephew agreed to spend 10 minutes a day, everyday, just doing some simple meditation. His grandmother (my mum) agreed to remind him everyday.

I'll keep you posted on the results.

Harun Rabbani

Spiritual beings having physical experience

2009-05-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

Most readers of this blog would agree that children are one of the greatest blessings you have received. However, mums and dads can occasionally get a little confused during the creation of the child. Once the child is conceived, you have no control of how the child becomes manifest.

The spirit that enters the foetus is a custodian of that shell we call the body. At the same time, the mother is the custodian of the unborn child. At no point is the child a possession - when pregnant or once the child is born. So treat is as if you are a custodian of the most priceless gem in the world.

When the child is born it is a conscious being and with a high level of maturity, often much more than the parent. It is crucial that both parents take responsibility for the development of the foetus and the newborn baby. Be mindful of the type of sounds the child is exposed to. All sounds have a vibration.

High vibrational sounds that are beneficial to the child include praying, meditating, singing, expressing love, the sound of flowing water and nature. Low vibrational sounds include shouting, heavy rock music, ganster rap, industrial noise.

Be also aware that when that the feelings that are radiated from the pregnant mother's inner being will have a strong effect on the child. This is important to bear in mind. If a mother has a traumatic pregnancy, she will give birth to a child who has been exposed to negativity before they are even born. If the mum generally has a 'happy' pregnancy, she will give birth to a happy child.

There is much more we can talk about regarding preparing your child for the best. However, I want to leave you with one thought. Your child is a spiritual being having a physical experience. You are part of that journey they will have in this life. What kind of experience would you like to give your child?

Harun Rabbani

Building confidence through speaking

2009-04-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was watching a program on BBC TV that resonates with me more than any show - "Speaker". In the years of delivering interactive workshops, the public speaking workshops have the quickest impact on a child's confidence. If you missed last night's penultimate episode, then click here to catch up with the program. Make sure you're glued to next Tuesday's final.

If your child ever gets a chance to stand up and speak in public, give them all the encouragement they need. It's a skill that they will nor forget quickly. It's also something that will help them in their education and their future career. Many a good and great leader was once a child public speaker.

Harun Rabbani

Sleep deprived children show symptoms of ADHD

2009-04-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why some children are so much more hyperactive than others?

The BBC News reported that children whose average sleep duration was shorter than 7.7 hours had a higher hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour score. (Please note: the 7.7 hours refers to time in actual sleep. Bear in mind, your child will need more time in bed to take into account bedtime reading and staying awake.)

What does that mean to you? Sleep deprived adults face problems of concentration lapses and being less emotionally stable. However the consequences on a child’s life and their future are dire. It means your child has a reduced ability to concentrate at school and a higher tendency to be behaviourally challenged.

Clearly, this will affect your child’s ability to realise their academic potential, not to mention be more susceptible to be bullied or become a bully. Controversial, I know. However, given the record numbers of children being bullied at school and 40% of teachers being subjugated to student bullying, this is a serious matter that teaching professionals are having a tough time with.

Prevention is better than cure. Ensuring your child gets a good night’s sleep allows them to fully recuperate for a productive day ahead.

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part Four: The Key to Handling Fear

2009-04-15T15:50:00.001-07:00

We live in a world of duality. Everything has its equal and opposite. Look around you and you see evidence everywhere. This is something that my children love learning about. For example, have you ever touched those prickly stinging nettles that you find growing in undergrowth in woods and in parks or even in untamed English gardens?

Although the nettles do leave a nasty, stinging sensation, they have a cure very close by. Everywhere you find stinging nettles, you will find the broad dock leaves growing nearby. Once you've been stung, all you need to do is to rub a dock leaf on the part of your body to counteract the effect of the nettles.

Everything in the manifest world has its equal and opposite. This is Mother Nature's way of keeping checks and balances.

So it is true about 'e'-motions and feelings. Fear is one of the biggest fuels for the 'Ego'. The more you are fearful of something, the bigger the Ego becomes. (I'll explain Ego more clearly in a future blog.)

When you try to motivate your child through fear, you are in fact feeding and growing their Ego.
The Ego lives off victimhood. This then reinforces the desire for that child to unconsciously seek out things that they feel fearful of. Then when that happens, the Ego gets all the juice it needs to become more of a 'victim'.

Have you noticed, for example, that people who are 'victims' of circumstance and prey to their environment and everybody else's opinions and behaviours. The Self, however, sees the world from a different perspective. Instead of seeing problems, they have challenges. Instead of being in a recession, they're looking out for the opportunities. Instead blaming others for their condition, they choose to learn from their experiences.

In my humble opinion, the key to handling fear is to know that with every 'negative' situation, its positive counterpart is thriving in equal amount. Where you find something to be sad about, when you look you'll find something else to be happy about. Out of every sadness, joy is also to be found.

So for example, if your child does not pass a test at school, it is a great way to recognise where they can improve on. Or when your child comes last in a race at school, they may learn a new way of becoming better in that race or get more motivated to train harder or even find a sport that they do excel in.

In the case of specific fears, do as Susan Jeffers recommends - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

The New Story is the unfolding of a generation of future leaders who will not lead their lives by being motivated by fear, shame and guilt. They will excel despite that and because they choose to use emotions that are energy creating such as compassion, empathy, love and courage....the latter being the equal and opposite of fear.

Help your son and daughter to create balance in their life by seeing the upside to every downside and by making them aware that every upside has its counterbalance. Make sure you do both gently and with plenty of loving.

Harun Rabbani

The pain of worrying what others would say...

2009-04-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

When I became a dad for the first time, my own family expected me to be a strict, regimented and temperamental disciplinarian. Much to their surprise, I 'turned' out to be quite the opposite to that. My family based their assumptions of me as a dad based on their experience with our own father. They expected me to be everything that he was.

However, I used my experience as 'market research', as described by Richard Wilkins. My dad taught me many of the ways I should not be a father. For example, he never expressed his love verbally. He was never comfortable with that. But I was quite surprised when once in my adult life, he found it in himself to tell me how much he hated me. To this day, he still 'cannot' express his love.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want to share the biggest research material I got from being a child of my father. His biggest stressor is not related to his health. It's not related to his wealth. It's not related to any physical, mental or emotional disease. However, he does have all these conditions and it stems from his fear of what other people would say.

Let me explain. My dad grew up in a village where he was constantly in survival mode since being orphaned at the age of 8. As a child, he made his way through into his adulthood by literally fighting his way there. In his mind, he had (has) a reputation of being someone that everybody fears. Nobody would dare cross his path. Nobody would dare to speak to him in a 'disrespectul' way to him, i.e. they would never disagree with him.

Indeed he was a very persuasive man. People took heed of him. His older brothers listened to him and did as he would say. His many nephews all feared him as did his younger sisters. All in all, he had a reputation.

However, he could never understand why when everybody obeys him, why none of his children would obey his every order with no question. Unfortunately, my dad lived in a world of fantasy. Whilst he was disgusted with his children and even resented their 'behaviour', we - his children - lived in constant fear of being shouted or being beaten with a stick, sandal or anything that would inflict pain. The higher you were in the age pecking order, the more you were his object of anger and blame. I was the oldest of six.

Yes, for many years I was a very angry child. A very angry young man. I heard about alcholic fathers violating their children. But what was my dad's excuse? The only answer I could find (and still do) was that he was afraid of what would be say about this lion of a man who was a complete whimp with his own children. He couldn't even manage to get his children to listen to him.

The consequences to my siblings and me of my father's fear of what other people would say included being physically and emotionally battered, forced marriage of one of my sisters, me running away from home, emotional scarring and depression. But the worst affected was himself - constant ill health, stress, worry, fear, resetlessness and a sense of isolation and abandonment.

Unfortunately, my father is from a generation where they never need help, advice or support from their own children. In fact, giving any kind of advice to him was one of the most offensive things my siblings or I could do.

So how all this make me a better father? In many ways. In the case of this blog, I want to mention two key learning lessons.

Firstly, you are already a perfect being as you are...spiritually. Your attitude and behaviour is a manifestation of childhood conditioning. If you are perfect, then you are more than capable of raising your child without the interference of do-gooders - usually in the form of 'family' and 'friends'. Let your love for your children and your trust in their perfection be your guide.

Secondly, be very mindful of the words that leave your mouth when you are speaking with your kids. NEVER allow words with low vibrational energy to be uttered by yourself. Using fear and shame words does NOT work. For example, I remember once my dad say to me how much he 'hated me from the time I was 12 years old'. I was not upset. On the contrary, it felt like the bond between the two of us snapped irrepairably for good. Use words of praise and love to express your feelings. They work. They truly do. I know because I use it with my children all the time.

Harun Rabbani

Handling your child's hyperactivity & guided meditation

2009-04-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been frustrated with and overactive child and wondered how you can temper their hyperactivity?

One of the most powerful ways to help your child be 'still' and at a place of calm is through meditation...more specifically guided meditation. In our fast-paced society, we are in such a hurry everyday that it comes as no surprise our children follow suit. T.V. dinners, fast travel, edge-of-the-seat entertainment and so on.

Meditation has many positive effects on an individual. But let's concentrate on the calming effect it has on a child. During guided meditation, the guide (ideally you) takes them through a balanced breathing process - 4 secs breathing in and 4 secs breathing out, for example. The child is guided by talking them through the breathing for a 60 to 90 seconds. Once the breathing has stabilised, you can talk them through an imaginary walk through a park; observing the stillness of the lake; watching the swan swimming, etc.

The whole idea is to help them use their imagination to conjure up an image of calmness and stillness. The calming effect that guided meditation has on your child is immediately obvious. But the key is not to overdo it. Start off with a 5 minute meditation and work your way to 10-20 mins. However, do it every day or every other day. That way it becomes habitual.

When I've guided my sons through meditation, not only are they more calm and collected, they also share with me how many creative come into their head. There is a by-product of guided meditation. You can't help be affected yourself.

There are countless books on the wonders of meditation. However, until you've practised this wonderful art, you will never experience the joys of meditation.

Harun Rabbani

The Traditional Fathering Role Still Rules Supreme...

2009-04-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

Can the traditional role of a father still exist in the 21st century world?

Of course it can. There are many societies who still have the father as the head of house and his only involvement is in providing a roof over the head, shirt on the backs of their children and food on the table. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is a successful model that works in places like Sierra Leone, parts of India and parts of Bangladesh.

In such societies, the extended family unit is common place. There's a saying which is very apt ' 'It takes a village to raise a man' - or something like that. In other words, the nurturing of the child is a communal affair not just the duty of the mother or just the father.

However, if you are reading this blog, you're probably living in in a country where family breakdown is common, let alone having tight communities. The key question is - are you leaving the upbringing of your child to your community and does it serve the purpose of becoming a healthy, well-balanced adult?

Harun Rabbani

Great news on Amazing Dads Book

2009-04-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

You have no idea on how excited I am today. I've just been given the go ahead to include the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt in my forthcoming book on amazing dads. Check this video out.

I am still looking for stories from you. Bring it on!

The Ugly Face of Britain: It's Childhood Suicide Rate

2009-03-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Both Childline and the NSPCC have reported an increase of childhood suicide which has tripled in five years. Although the suicide rate for boys hase increased, 80% of suicides are by girls.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), which runs a free 24-hour helpline, said it received an average of almost 60 calls from suicidal youngsters every week.

Of that number, one in 14 needs urgent medical care or is in immediate danger. Some children told counsellors they had already tried to kill themselves while others made attempts to do so while on the phone. Almost a third of suicidal callers told volunteers they had been physically abused, with one in five children disclosing sexual abuse.

Ten-year-old Sophie told a counsellor: "I hate my life now dad's gone because I get blamed for everything and mum is in the pub every day.

Another child, Paul, 13, said: "I feel like killing myself. My mum and dad beat me and I'm getting bullied at school.

"I don't have anyone else to turn to except ChildLine. No one else would be able to help me. I'm scared of telling anyone."

Children can feel suicidal for a number of reasons, including family problems, bullying, abuse and exam stress, said Sue Minto, head of ChildLine.

The NSPCC said 80 per cent of calls to ChildLine about suicide were from girls, but calls from boys are rising fast and are now four times higher than five years ago.

When a child is so desperate that they feel being dead is less painful than being alive, you need to ask yourself this: WHY?

Isn't it about high time that both parents took full on responsibility to raise their child? Dads need to begin to take a much more active role in their child's upbringing. Ignorance is not an option and no longer a good enough excuse. There are numerous parenting workshops and throughout the UK, both online and classroom based. If you're a dad and you are seriously interested in attending a workshop, then feel free to attend the Amazing Dads Weekend that I host. It is absolutely free of charge.

In the meantime, the best way you can help prevent other families from the devastation caused by childhood suicide is through education. Send a link to this email to any parent you know. It's an investment in the future of our country and our world.

Harun Rabbani

Child labour works!

2009-03-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

One of the activities that my sons enjoy the most is playing football together on weekends. They've developed into 9 and 7 year old experts in Premiership football and are now light years ahead of me on footballing news.

Last weekend, I thought we'd do something different. I asked them if they would help me with gardening work for their grandmother and us. The task was to dig up part of the lawn and turn it into a vegetable patch. The challenge was that the soil was pretty thick clay and it was and the roots of the grass were embedded deeply into the ground. So whilst I was digging up the top level of soil and grass, they collected it in a large bucket and carried to another part of the garden to offload it.

A seemingly trivial and simple exercise turned into something of great fascination. Kasim, my seven year old son, was delegating the work out between himself and Hamza, his 9 year old brother. They would ask each other if the other was tired and would swap over the bucket-carrying. This went on for 30 minutes.

Then I told them that we had 10-minutes left to finish the job and needed to speed up. That's exactly what they did. They were egging each other on and rooting for me, too.

By doing something simple as gardening, my children were able to unfold their leadership and team-playing skills in true technicolour. After they finished, they admitted that today was the best day ever!

How amazing is that when you can take everyday chores and turn it into a personal evolvement exercise for your child? There are hundreds of 'little' things you can do with your child and make it fun for both of you. Learning and evolving is not restricted to the cloisters of academia. The school of life provides much more opportunities than that. Have a go!

Harun Rabbani

How you create your outer world throught your inner reality

2009-03-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a story that will help illustrate how dads can get caught up in a mess when they neglect how they create their own reality. Enjoy.

A client of mine was having the most awful time with his ex-partner. They seemed to be the perfect couple in the first few months of their relationship. However, most of their communication was remote (emails, telephone, etc) due to work and travel commitments. When they were with each other, they had a brilliant time. But they split up soon after they met. The relationship was indeed one of the most short-lived he’d experienced in his life.

However, there was one big challenge facing both of them. Shortly after seeing each other for the last time, his former partner revealede she got pregnant. No matter how much effort was made for reconciliation over the next few months, it became all too apparent that they were not going to be with each other.

Eventually, a beautiful baby girl was born. Both parents were elated. As the father was financially broke, he could not get to see his daughter who lived many thousands of miles away. He spent most of the next few months piecing his life back together but tried his best to stay in touch with his former partner. Unfortunately, over time, she was getting angrier and angrier with him for not 'showing' love to his daughter. He had no clue what she meant nor was she able to explain it so that he could understand.

Communication deteriorated rapidly between the two parents. On one hand, he was pleading to be kept up-to-date with his daughter’s progress. He kept promising her that as soon as it was possible, he would fly over to see the mother and daughter. Nine months passed and still nothing. He was still hand-to-mouth. And given, the state of the economic crisis hitting most of the developed world, his frustration of finding work was turning to despair.

On the other hand, his former partner’s written communication became more and more deriding of the father. Her language became more and more colourful. The man felt he was walking on eggshells. He wanted to call and email regularly, but found it very heart-breaking to connect due to the aggressive nature of her written and spoken word. But then, when he reduced his communications, she would condemn him even more for not caring enough to stay in touch. This was a no-win situation. The real loser was going to be the child no matter what either parents thought of the other.

When my client approached me for guidance, I reminded him that he created his own reality. The only thing he could change was his own inner reality. I asked him to separate the facts from opinions about his situation. He realised that the situation that he is in now was of his own making. His many micro-decisions ultimately led to his outer reality in which he lives.

But all was not lost. If you can create an inner reality that you really prefer not to have, then you can change it to one you prefer to enjoy. When he asked me about how he could change his former partner, I explained he can't. He can only change whether he reacts or whether he reponds to her. Once again, her outer reality is created from her inner world. The good news is that when he transforms himself to the being he chooses, then her world would transform...even if it was by a smidgen!

Harun Rabbani

Why is British Gang Culture prevailing...

2009-02-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

...despite the continued increase in government expenditure into eliminating the evils associated with gangs?

The summer of 1982 was one of the most fun years of my childhood. Almost everyday, I'd go to my best friend's house to go out to play. We'd then go and call up two or three other friends who we'd agree to go to the park with. They would, in turn, call on their friends to meet up at a certain time. By the time we got together in Aston Park, we were 20-strong. We'd all attend the local youth club once or twice a week and we'd buy fish and chips from the local chippy (shop). Overall, we were carefree and worry-free.

I felt I belonged to something very special. An elite group of young friends who enjoyed fun and adventure. My friends were very much like family to me. Unfortunately, my dreams of belonging to this gang with no name came to an end in October 1982 when my dad announced we were going to move to Sunderland to join him at his take-away. He promised I'd get paid well if I worked for him by serving customers.

No matter how much was promised me and how rosy the picture was that my dad painted, I was devastated. I would tell my friends that we'd be back in a few weeks when things settled. Afterall, my dad moved us to Oldham in 1979 and we did return after 6 months.

Moving from cosmopolitan, multi-cultural Birmingham to white, working class Sunderland with its disproportionately high level of unemployment was more than a culture to me. I was now in a town where I was experiencing isolation, verbal aggression and racial discrimination. My mum and dad were so busy trying to keep the business afloat that we spent no private time together.

Because I was required to help my parents with the business, I was serving customers within an hour of returning from school till late at night everyday. Therefore, I had no opportunity to make new friends outside school.

This was a far-cry from being a member of a gang of young boys...who had little interest in violence bar what we saw in Bollywood movies. Living in the conditions we were in was all the motivation I needed to long to be back with my friends in Birmingham.

Now when I look at why young men and women join gangs, the answer is as plain as day to me. These young people are doing what young people have been doing for aeons...they want a sense of belonging...a sense of value to someone. Gangs offer one thing that many of today's Western communities are doing. They offer a sense of connection and belonging by being there for each other. This is irrespective of the nature of the gangs' raison d'etre.

Gangs offer what any organisation offers - a higher purpose. If you go and ask a class of teenage students from a non-faith school how many of them believe in a higher being, such as God, only a small minority will put up their hands. So even religion is failing these children. The accountability is much more attractive in gang cuture than even religion can offer, so it seems.

So what are the solutions to the devastation that takes place to a community such as the Stonebridge Park estate in London? Well, it's not incarceration. That's for sure. Imprisonment serves as a great apprenticeship for rookie and veteran gangsters. The answer lies in the very basics again. If you give a child the basic necessities that we all desire, then you can prevent the majority of children from falling into the trap of gang culture.

Every young man and woman needs that sense of love and belonging that families are there to provide. The breakdown of the extended family network leaves parents with the responsibility of ensuring their children are fully provided for and supported. Dads need to re-look at their own working and social patterns. A small amount of quality time invested with their children now will mean many more hours are not wasted trying to bail their child out of trouble later on.

In the face of material-led society, we need to think laterally and ensure the local community does not ignore its young and vulnerable. Youth clubs and homework clubs are much fewer than there should be. In fact, in some communities such as Hackney in London where there is a dure need for youth centres, there's either none or just one with sub-standard resources.

It's now time for mums and dads to step up to give the family environment to their children. And, perhaps mums and dads can support other young people by offering voluntary support to their local youth club. If there isn't such a club in your neighbourhood, then create one!

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part Three: Guilt

2009-02-23T05:45:00.000-08:00

Growing up in multi-cultural Birmingham, I was exposed to different faiths and different cultures. Although, I seemed to be pretty decent guy, I couldn't understand why some of my urban 'friends' were getting caught up in crime and violence. As I got to know them at more personal level, I discovered that many of these young men (and women) were subjected to violence and emotional abuse.

One of the most common ways these young people were being motivated were through the use of guilt. A child is an explorer and adventurer who develops as an individual through their curiosity and desire to learn new things and try things out. If they behave in a manner not to their parents approval, they would be made to feel guilty by the use of harsh words (e.g. naughty boy/girl); or be told they were not good enough to deserve a reward; be told they have brought shame to the family. Of course, there are some who would resort to physical violence/abuse in order to control their child's behaviour.

Let's face it, this type of motivation does NOT work in developing an emotionally and mentally happy future adult. The world is full of violent and abusive people. The use of fear, shame and guilt has historically been the weapon of choice by dictatorial governments, organised religions and people in authority. Unfortunately, too many people are not conscious of this manipulation and do not realise it when they are using the very same weapons to raise children.

If you wish to help your child have a brighter future, just notice what kind of motivation you are using to raise your child. Don't do anything for now. Just notice.

Harun Rabbani

I haven't got time for this...

2009-02-23T05:19:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been frustrated with not having enough time to do more of the things you want to do? Things like spending quality time with your children?

I know have. In fact, recently, my frustrations went beyond boiling point. So much so that I took a drastic measure. I started re-reading 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey.

In Covey's time-management quadrant, he talks about activities that are not important and not urgent to you. I looked at my own unimportant/non-urgent activities and wasn't surprised to find television-watching as the number one time-killer for me.

With further research, I discovered that the average adult spends approximately 2 hours a day watching TV. Children watch more TV. Sounds tame? Think again. I certainly thunk it good and proper when I calculated that on average, an adult can watch approximately 730 hours of television a year. That is an equivalent to being in front of the box for 30 days without any rest!

So why is it so important for dads who wish to consciously transform their realities and their children's to one of their own choosing? One of the key reasons people find it difficult to create their chosen reality is due to their lack of clarity and focus.

Do you realise how much more effective you would be in creating your own reality if you could de-clutter your mind for just 25% of the TV-watching time?

Everything that has been created that you can see, feel and hear began in someone's head as an idea. Should you choose to invest just 30 minutes a day on envisioning your future, you will become a powerful life transformer. Your child will develop the ability to become a conscious leader. At a minimum, they will substantially improve their personal leadership.

If you replaced just 2 hours a day from television (or any other non-important/non-urgent activity), you would gain one extra month a year doing and enjoying the things you would choose to have in your life. How amazing is that?!!

So today, go and invest 30 minutes just to work out what activities you do that are not urgent and not important to you. Get your child to do that, too. Then replace these activities with at least 30 minutes of envisioning the reality you want. Transform your life and you will have the power to help transform the life of your child.

Harun Rabbani

PS Very few television programs are educational. Your child would find it more fulfilling to actively learn by reading and doing rather than observing others.

Parents pay for the price of truancy

2009-02-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

An average of one parent every two weeks is sent to prison in the UK during term time for failing to ensure their child is goes to school, says the Metro newspaper.

According to goverment figures, prosecutions of parents reached 10,000 in 2007, which is a rise of 76% since 2000. The unauthorised pupil absence was 0.7% in 2002 when the first parent was jailed for her children's persistent truancy. It had risen to 1.0% in 2007.

Clearly this is unacceptable. Nonetheless, it comes as no surprise that as parents are under more pressure to keep up with modern-day life and working patterns, they are spending less time and energy with their children.

The question arises if imprisoning parents will lead to less truancy? As a stand-alone measure, it would probably have very little effect. Unsurprisingly, this current government is doing what any other government has done in times of pressure - create draconian measures for challenges that could be dealt with more effective and less costly measures.

The fact of the matter is that more and more women are having to work to bring in an added income to keep the family flourishing. Traditionally, men have taken a backseat role when it came to managing the household and their children.

Fortunately, there are many fathers who are taking a more active role in the upbringing of their children. Children need both parents in their lives playing an active role. When a child is playing truant, he or she has many possible reasons for that to happen. When the mum AND the dad engage themselves more, do you think the reasons behind potential or actual truancy would be unearthed?

See you next time!

Harun Rabbani

The Children's Society Reinforces the Importance of dads

2009-02-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, one of the biggest studies on children's lives was published by the Children's Society today. It backed up the traditional family unit and said that children of single parent households at the age of 3 are three times as likely to have behavioural problems.

Whilst, it cited several key issues that make life much harder for children, it emphasises the need for fathers to get more involved in the upbringing of their children....something that we've been stressing on this blog since its launch. I encourage you to get a copy of the document directly from the Children's Society website by clicking here.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

PS Don't forget to send in your stories about your relationship with your dad to harun@harunrabbani.com

What's your dad's story? Would you like to be published?

2009-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

I'm currently writing up the final part of the Amazing Dads book. And I need your help.

The stories are of 'ordinary', everyday dads who have wonderful relationships with their child(ren). The book is a collection of stories to help inspire our readers of looking at the different ways fathers are building engaging relationships with their children. The book is in the genre of the Chicken Soup Series of books.

It's being written as a way to help give strategies to dads to build their confidence and ways to give their children the best foundation of development from childhood through to adulthood. The book is primarily aimed at dads between 16 and 16 years of age.

* Each story is between 600 and 2000 words (approx).
* The story will be about a specific event that shows an example how that dad truly connected with their child at the highest level.
* The story could be from the perspective of a child, wife, friend and even the dad.
* The dad could be anyone from an 'ordinary Joe', a leader, a celebrity. The wider the range of backgrounds, the better.

So how can you help?There are three specific ways you can help me....

1. Share YOUR story
2. Tell the story of another dad and their child/children
3. Refer 3-5 people who would make great candidates for this book.

Please know that there is no such thing as an ordinary dad. Everybody has a story to tell. So what's yours? I know you have a dad, too!!!

How do you tell the story?

1. Either write the story about the dad you wish to share about. If you take this option, ideally, I would love to get the story on 'Word' within 10 days.
2. I interview the heroes of the story or the story-teller myself over the telephone, Skype or MSN Messenger. I would do this within 7 days of agreeing on the story.

Your story will be checked by our copywriter and then our editor.

I hope the fact that you are transforming the lives of fathers and their children worldwide is a sufficient enough incentive. It sure is for me.

Please note that there will be a simple agreement form to sign should you wish to share your story. This book is something that is long overdue and is something that I am very passionate about. If you're ready to go ahead, just say 'yes'. I will then get the ball rolling.

Thank you for your support no matter how big or how humble.

To your success!

Harun Rabbani

PS My deadline to collect over 100 stories is the February 28th 2009. So please hurry!!!

The New Story, Part Two: Shame

2009-01-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

I was real excited. My favourite teacher who was also the head of the school, Mr Matthews, was going to be presiding over our class for the mental arithmetic test. We were 10 years old and we thought our Head Teacher was cool. I liked Mr Matthews because he was good at his (stressful) job AND yet he still managed to keep a smile. He also liked me because he could see my potential, expecting me to be nothing less than a doctor when I grew up.

After the test was completed, Mr Matthews went through all the questions and answers with the class. We all did fine except for question 12. That question stumped everyone. Well, everyone bar one clever clogs. Me! When I gave the correct answer, Mr Matthews walked towards my desk with a Cheshire Cat grin and took my workbook to the front of the room to show the class the great example I set. But as quickly his face changed from a smile to bright read with anger. He threw my exercise book halfway across the room towards me...I got the answer right but my method of working out was not what he expected.

In that moment, I went from being joyful with my victory to feeling total humiliation. I hung my head down low in shame and just wished the earth would swallow me up. I couldn't bare to think what the other kids would be thinking or how they'd tease me afterwards.

Although this experience has not left me seeking psychiatric help for the rest of my life, the cumulative effect of feeling shame can be severely traumatic. In order to motivate children, many are told of the various punishments they could receive if they don't behave in a certain way. For example, they would become an outcast; be the black sheep; be damned to hell for behaving a certain way.

The trouble with parents and teachers using shame as a way to motivate their children is that the child develops the victim mentality. They feel their life is being hampered by other people, circumstances and the environment for the much of their adult life. I've seen people stress over 'what other people will say' so much so that they fall ill from shame. And I'm sure you've heard of people have heart attacks from such shame. Honour killings are more than rife in certain communities just because the young adult (often young women and girls) brought shame to their family by dating or eloping against the family's will.

Could I over-emphasise the negative impact of using 'shame' to get your child to take action or stop misbehaving? The consequences of which are usually dire. Needless to say, there are much more empowering ways to motivate your child.

Stay tuned to find out what your alternatives are in the New Story series of blogs.

To your parenting success!

Harun Rabbani

The New Story, Part One: Fear

2009-01-12T19:14:00.002-08:00

In this next series of blogs, I want to talk about something hugely transformational that is taking place. It's the creation of the New Story. It is here to stay. The New Story will be the unfolding of a higher level of consciousness at a global level. It is the very thing that will bring nations closer together, cross-cultural communities working in harmony with each other and children achieving a much higher level of personal consciousness, i.e. a much more awakened state. Fathers will be playing a much greater role in the unfolding of the New Story. They will be setting the foundations of this better world.

However, there is a sabotaging mechanism that has been installed into most people that needs to be managed right now before we can even start realistically building the foundations of higher conscious children. That sabotaging mechanism is the 'old program'. It's like a software which has long past its shelf-life.

In the next series of blogs, I will be sharing with you about the old program and, later on, the new story and how dads play a vital role in its unfolding. First of all, I want to begin with the mother of the old program - fear, shame and guilt.

As a child, growing up in an urban neighbourhood in Birmingham probably toughened me up for many of life's challenges that would lay ahead for me. But, as much as I see some of the benefits, I would not wish for any child to live in such conditions that I endured.

In order to prepare me for life 'on the streets', my dad ruled his family with an iron rod...sometimes literally. The end result was that all of his six children lived in fear of being on the receiving end of his wrath. We all knew what the consequences would be if we said or did anything that caught his attention in the wrong way.

Living in fear left a lot of collateral damage. We'd moved to Sunderland in 1982 when I was 12. My father had a business that was on the brink of collapse and needed his family's help. So we moved lock, stock and barrel 200 miles north from cosmopolitan Birmingham to a almost white only neighbourhood. Unfortunately, Sunderland was under economic collapse in those days due to the loss of thousands of jobs in coal-mining and ship-building. Much of the population of Sunderland was affected by the high unemployment. Couple that with a low level of education, moving to Sunderland was a recipe for disaster for people of colour.

Now, not only was working with my father and in fear. I was on the receiving end of racial abuse and violent threats at school. As I was the only one of two people of colour (the other guy was Chinese), I was a curiosity shop for the thousand strong population of my secondary school.

Everyday was about going to school and keeping an eye out for who may potentially attack me or make racist remarks. It truly felt like I was surviving by the skin of my teeth. Then I would reach home, quickly get my homework done and get myself downstairs to open the doors to our Indian take-away. Once again, my family were living in fear of racist attacks and I was living in fear of my father's anger.

The result of such negative emotion turned me from being an outgoing young man to an introverted boy who would only have one word answers to any questions anyone asked him. I was in survival mode. I locked myself up in a shell, which I only began to break out of after 3-4 years of Martial Arts training and escaping from the environment I was living in.

The wierd thing is that I never doubted my father's love for me. He just did what he knew best, i.e. survival.

When I look back at those days now, I don't resent my personal experience. Instead, I realise I could be one of many people to voice the conditions others live. In today's current economic climate, whilst everybody is worried about their jobs and having enough cash to live on, let us be reminded that thousands of children are being effected by the stress that their parents are bringing home.

Many children are living in fear of isolation, violence, neglect and abuse. The victims (the children) will absorb it into their psyche and may even carry it on into the next generation of children. Fortunately, not all become rapists, wife-beaters, murderers or dictators. But how do we know who will become what? Is it worth taking the risk?

Ultimately, we live in a global society where the few powers that be control the masses through the use of fear...the fear of job loss, the fear of attack from another nation, the fear of not being loved because your too fat, too thin, etc; the fear of defeat, the fear of death, the fear of ill health, and much, much more. 2009 in Britain is predicted to produce the biggest economic slump since the Second World War. How's that for making you feel paranoid about your job security or your business cash flow?

By playing to your fears, the corporate giants, politicians, governments and institutions (including religious) manipulate your thinking and behaviour to the way they wish for you to act. That is the nature of low consciousness. And, that's how most politicians come to power. This effect cascades right down to the grass-roots level to the individual and families.

No matter how much effort you put into changing the outside world, nothing happens until you change yourself. By changing how you think and behave towards your child, you change the world. Imagine if every father (and mother) nurtured their children without having to resort to the use of fear. How much more empowered could our children be?

Just to clarify, fear isn't just about fear of violence. Any kind of threat that will create this negative emotion, such as making the child feel you won't love them if they behave in a certain way, is a strong fear-creator.

Later on, you'll hear more about what options dads are left with.

All the best,

Harun Rabbani

PS Don't forget to visit the new Amazing Dads website by clicking here

Learning the art of manifestation

2008-10-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

Did you know that everything that is in your life was created by you? Well, that's what the leading edge quantum scientists will tell you. So will the spiritualists. So will the Eastern philosophies. So will the Shamans, the Buddhists and many more.

If that is the case, don't you think you ought to learn it for ourselves and then teach our children. Hell, yeah! So here's a fabulous experience that I enjoyed recently. Talk about ask and you shall receive, it still astonishes me how the universe conspires to manifest what you desire...provided you take the correct steps.

About 6 weeks ago, I sent one text to several dozen people on my mobile phone directly. It was requesting help in promoting my newly launched Amazing Dads CD program. I was absolutely delighted at the positive response from them all.

However, there was one person who went much further, Errol, who just blew my socks off. Errol wanted to know what Amazing Dads was about. So I told him it's a audio program which is part of the Amazing Dads Weekend Workshop for dads who want to build an inspirational relationship with their child. Errol asked if I received an government funding for that. I dismissed the idea as I wasn't much of an expert, let alone have the patience, to apply for government funding. That's when Errol stepped in. That was his area of expertise.

Over the next few weeks, Errol managed to create a meeting between us and a national charity that works with young dads. The aim was to run one pilot program with them in London. The charity loved the whole concept that they want to take it nationwide as soon as possible. Here's the bizarre thing: that was the precise intention I had set myself: Amazing Dads Weekends be delivered throughout the country.

Instead of me gaining a few hundred pounds from the workshop, 2009 will bring in a six-figure sum of money from just one project. And how did I do that? By using the universal law of creation called 'intention'. How powerful is that when you can set yourself an intention so big and see it manifest before your eyes?

Will I be thanking my mentors and team for their teachings and support? Hell, yeah!

BTW If you would like to meet my favourite mentor for manifestation, Naomi Sesay, then you can do so this coming Tuesday evening on my ship, the HMS President, in London. Just make sure you register online to get your reduced ticket price of £10 (type in LP1786 as your VIP Code)

Harun Rabbani

Do you have a story to tell?

2008-08-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed one of the biggest challenges that men have about their own personal growth, especially regarding relationships? They dare not admit that they could do with help! I don't know what it is about the male genetic make-up, but we just don't seem to have the courage to ask for help. Trial and error seems to be the top rung of ladder.

However, there is a new breed of man who does want to know how to build better relationships with their child. How do I know? Because of the wonderful response I'm getting from the recently launched Amazing Dads audio program, which is helping so many dads to build an inspirational relationship with their child.

However, I need more help to get this message of hope out there to children across the world. And I need your help. I am currently writing a book on Amazing Dads. If you have a story you'd like to share about a father-child relationship in this book, then please drop me a line. You don't have to be a father. You can be a mother, a sister, brother, daughter, son, etc. What I'm looking for are stories of inspiration. Please contact me by email - thepersuader@harunrabbani.com.

Many thanks for your help!

Harun Rabbani

PS Please remember to order your copy of Amazing Dads online and receive £79 worth of bonus gifts!

Celebrating your Child's Success

2008-08-23T03:36:00.000-07:00

When I think about my own childhood and the memories of my own acheivement, my father had an approach to praise that used to baffle me. He would never outwardly demonstrate his pleasure about any of my acheivements, whether it be academic, vocational or as a sporting champion. So we never celebrated any of my results. In years to come, I never told my parents about my many achievements and the goals I'd reached.

The contrast between the relationship between my father and me and that between my children and myself is as stark as you can get. As a child, the communication between my father and I was on a 'need-to-know' basis. Therefore, he ended up knowing nothing of me and little about my life. That was not the kind of relationship I wanted with my children.

My children and I are the best of friends and we share so much joy together about all the little things as well as the bog ones. Yesterday, for example, my 8 year old and 6 year old sons ended a weeklong training at a local soccer school. Being the mad football fans that they are, this was pure bliss for them. Unfortunately, due to the distance they live from where they live and where I live, it wasn't possible for me to attend the training. Nonetheless, yesterday it was 'graduation day' from the school. Come hell or high water, I had to be there.

You should have seen the looks on their face when I turned up just before their graduation. It was priceless. Their sense of pride and accomplishment was so endearing...and they could show it all off to their dad. These are moments of inspiration that are irreplaceable. Your child will cherish this for life.

So think about how much you celebrate your child's success. Where and when do you give your attention? When they've done well or when they've done something that disappointed you? When your attention stays focused on the good stuff, they'll end up doing more of it. Today, make a list of 7 things you're going to celebrate with your child over the next 7 days. AND TAKE ACTION ON IT!

To your parenting success!

Harun Rabbani

Honouring the mother as a single dad

2008-07-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

After listening to the section on 'Honouring the Mother' from the newly launched Amazing Dads audio CD, I was asked a very interesting question: How do you honour and respect the mother of your children when she clearly does the opposite to you?

Wow! That's a big one to answer. However, let me give you my take on it. Every woman (and man) has two basic needs - to experience love (give and receive) and to feel a sense of significance. This is no less different for your ex-wife/partner. No matter how much you get along or otherwise, you and your ex still have those foundational human needs.

If you have young, impressionable children, it's even more imperative to support your ex's needs. However, there comes a point when, perhaps you cannot support them directly because of unsurmountable pressure from your ex or unreasonable requests. Say, for example, she is demanding money far in excess of your ability to earn; and she threatens to use your children as pawn. In such circumstances, you have little power to help her.

Nonetheless, you can still support her remotely. We are all connected beings only separated by the limitations we hold in our heads. Bearing this in mind, set a positive intention for your ex with total conviction and unconditional love. If she's lashing out or being unreasonable, it's likely she is feeling insecure and afraid. Having a positive intention for her WILL ease some of the pain she's feeling. In turn, the need to lash out at you will be reduced.

This is precisely what I do when I drop my children off to their mother's house. The three of us set the intention that she will be pleasant to us and very caring when we arrive at her doorstep. Lo and behold! It works. A far cry from the reception we used to get.

So, you can still honour your ex-wife/partner even when she doesn't know it. It is your intentions that create your reality. The person who has the greatest certainty will always rule over the intentional field.

Harun Rabbani

What an exciting development!

2008-06-30T04:33:00.001-07:00

OK, I can't hold it back any longer. It was only last night that I realised that I was, more or less, on my life purpose since 1986. Back then, I used to (reluctantly, at the time) train young children from the age of four through to the late teens in Kung Fu. Since then, I've worked with children in Kickboxing, athletics, education and so much more. I used to own two Kung Fu schools and teach for my master at a third school, too.

There were two things that all my work have in common. Results and fun. Many of my former students became champions and high acheivers in their respective fields. However, there is also another common theme that's not so admirable. 85% of the children with the behavioural challenges have a poor relationship or even no relationship with their dads. No matter how much work an inspirational speaker/trainer or teachers do with young people, one of the most powerful influencers in a child's life is their dad. There is no substitute.

That's exactly why I've been working away at creating an education program that will encourage dads and help them to evolve themselves as inspirational role models for their children. The first program that is available to all dads (and mums, too) is the new 'Amazing Dads' audio CD program. As it's so difficult to get everything into one 60-minute CD, I've bundled a whole lot of other free bonus gifts to help dads all over the world.

The message is loud and clear. If you want to make a difference to the future of the world you're living in, begin with creating better leaders of the world - the children...your children. If you want to transform the lives of your children, begin the transformation of your life first. Children do as you do...not as you say.

Keep shining!

Harun Rabbani

PPS We're using a much more secure payment method by using the latest Firefox instead of using the old Internet Explorer. Click here to download your free version...

Dads at Birthday Parties

2008-06-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

Last Friday evening my niece was celebrating her 4th birthday party with her family and friends. She had the time of her life with her friends and cousins from the age of two through to her eleven-year old brother. There must have been approximately 48 people at her party!

There was one thing though that stuck out like a sore thumb for me. All the mums (14 in total) of the children were present at the party, but other than my brother-in-law and me, not one of the children were accompanied by their dads.

Could it be that all the dads were at work? (The party was from 4.30pm till 7pm.) Are birthday parties not so important enough for dads to attend? Would children prefer to not have their dads around at parties?

To be honest, I don't have an answer. But I do know this much: Every experience your child has involves an overflow of emotions and feelings. During peak events (positive or negative ones), permanent emotions are created which become part of a child's physiological make-up. Those molecules of emotion are spread throughout different parts of the body and are part of, what we call, the 'mind'.

In other words, when your child is experiencing a peak state, they will subconsciously associate those 'happy' moments with all that is going on in their environment and the activities they're doing with the people they're doing it with. As a dad, even if you were doing no more than being present when your child is enjoying the fun with their friends, they will associate the feelings of 'fun' with you.

And the more often you're present when they're having a fun time (especially when they're below the age of 7 or 8), the more he/she will associate fun with you throughout their life. What a powerful way to build an inspirational relationship with your child!!!

Harun Rabbani

PS If you want to find out more about how you can create an inspirational relationship with your child immediately, then check out the new 'Amazing Dads' audio CD program for only £19.97, which includes £79 worth of bonus gifts to accelerate your growth as an amazing dad. Click here for more information...

PPS We're using a much more secure payment method by using the latest Firefox instead of using the old Internet Explorer. Click here to download your free version...

2008-06-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Earlier this afternoon, I was at Euston train station in London with my friend, Naomi, returning from Watford. As we crossed the ticket barriers, there was a lot of noise and scuffles around one man. He was bleeding profusely from his nose. We managed to make out that somebody had head-butted this guy and ran off to get on the train.

A few minutes later, after the police finally managed to arrive, they escorted a man in his early-mid thirties from the train back into the station. Walking on either side of him were two young children - a boy aged about 4 and a girl of 6 years. The father of the two children was shouting and swearing profanities and was demanding to be released because he was with his children.

As he was resisting so much, the police cuffed the man who started shouting and swearing even more. At this point, his daughter and son started screaming for the police to let him go. In that instant, almost every onlooker stopped to find out what was going on. Both Naomi and I felt our hearts jump out at the children's screaming and anguish. Finally, more police arrived, including one woman officer. They managed to calm the man down and she eventually got the children to calm down too.

It transpired that the father of the children was rushing to get to his train when a passenger going the opposite way got in his way. They both tried squeezing through a ticket barrier - one with a big suitcase and the other with two children. Rather than let the other through, the father head-butted the other passenger, probably breaking his nose in the process.

What's going on that:

1. People are so rushed that they do not notice other children and give way?

2. A father cares not in the least about gross violence and anger towards another fellow human being?

3. A father has so little consciousness that he thinks nothing of the impact his profanities and physical actions will have on his children.

Given the nature of his daughter's scream, I have no doubt that this poor girl was traumatised and will be so from this horrid experience.This just reinforces my observation in the work that I do with teens and young adults. One of the prime reason so many young people have behavioural issues is because of the kind of relationship they have with their dads.

There are far too many dads playing a deadbeat role instead of a conscious role in their children's lives. I truly hope the work we're doing through the likes of my 'Amazing Dads' CD programme and Naomi Sesay's Conscious Parenting (both released this week) and workshops reaches the likes of the father we witnessed at Euston Station.

As dads, we are responsible for not just the well-being of our children today, but also the impact they have as future leaders. Perhaps we should be mindful of the way we think and behave.

Harun Rabbani

Do we really believe the children are our future?

2007-10-28T13:24:00.001-07:00

Really?!!

How much do we really value the lives of our children? So here's a few stats on just childhood deaths that I find heart-breaking:

Around the world, 27–30,000 children die every day.

That is equivalent to:

* 1 child dying every 3 seconds
* 20 children dying every minute
* A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every week
* An Iraq-scale death toll every 15–35 days
* 10–11 million children dying every year
* Over 50 million children dying between 2000 and 2005

Isn't is it so easy to shrug our shoulders and assume everything's OK because

"Hey, I'm a good dad or mum".

Maybe, you don't have any children yourself. It's even more easier to turn a blind eye to the facts. So if all is well in Wonderland, how come so many children die, suffer, being orphaned or are getting abused?

On the other hand, the economic wealth and the level of literacy has never been at these astronomical heights previously in history. Global communication happens practically instantly. Most markets are enjoying unprecented growth.

Is it just me or is something missing in this picture?

If you think your child or the child of a close friend/family is free from suffering, then look again. The UK, one of the world's mighty economic powers, still suffers from the highest rate of teenage pregnancy, for example. Is it because of lack of education? Maybe. Is it because of the lack of money? Perhaps. Is it because of the lack of self worth that our children feel? Most certainly the likely case.

Instead of reeling off reams of statistics (which I'm sure you can dig up for yourself) to prove that today's children are being neglected, I'd like for you to reflect for a few moments on the words of the following song (written by George Benson) - 'The Greatest Love of All'.

If you have a child, then look for just one new step to make their future brighter. Ask yourself,

"How can I do just one thing to make them feel loved and significant?"

Just one....for now. It's a start.

If you don't have a child, but no someone who does, pass the link to this page onto them.

Here's Whitney Houston rendition of 'The Greatest Love of All' during a live performance to one of my childhood heroes, Muhammad Ali.

Keep shining!

Harun

PS If you have 60 seconds to spare, why not help in my research to find out about how dads can have an inspirational relationship with their children. Please note - you do NOT have to be a dad to answer it. As long as you can breathe, your comments are valid.

The Amazing Dads Book Preview

2007-10-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

Due to numerous requests on how to be an amazing dad, I am now putting together an anthology of stories along with my co-author, Mike Kinnaird, in our brand new book. It is called

Being Amazing for Dads

- How to have an Inspirational Relationship with your Child.

However, I cannot create such a powerful book without your help. Therefore, I urge you to get involved in putting together this book by answering a very simple question on my unique website for the book - www.askharun.com.

In order to give you the best stories, I need you to take 60 seconds of your time to help make a difference to thousands of lives. Would you do that for me?

In fact, as a 'thank you', I will send you the first three chapters of the book as my gift to you as soon as it is published. Furthermore, if you tell your friends all about it, I will send you another gift - Being Amazing for Dads audio book so that you can listen to the book in the comfort of your car, MP3 player or hi-fi.

I'm grateful for your support. Many thanks!

Harun Rabbani

Praising Your Child

2007-09-27T06:22:00.001-07:00

Here's an article I read that I found enlightening for when praising young children. I was delighted, yet not surprised, to see how much impact you can have on your child by making a subtle difference in how you praise your child. Enjoy the article!

Harun Rabbani

It's Never Too Late

2007-09-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

Growing up in rural Bangladesh is no mean feat. This was especially the case in the 1940's at the time when the British left a devastated India, where our hero started his journey. Our little hero was the youngest of three sons at the age of 8. He also had two younger sisters of 6 months and 3 years of age.

At around the age of 8, both his parents - an elderly father and an ill mother - died quite suddenly. Growing up with family in that era was tough enough. Being an orphan was traumatising for our hero. His only immediate family were two older brothers of 10 and 12 years of age and the two younger sisters. Every day was survival. At moments, he was being cared for and nurtured by his older brothers. At other times, he was the protector to his younger sisters. His sisters did their bit when they were only tiny. They would cook, clean and look after their brothers.

Our young hero had to learn to be the king of the jungle - and it was like the jungle - survival of the fittest. His sheer aggression and machismo ensured that our superhero (who was actually quite small and frail) helped him to reach the ripe age of 17. At this stage of his life, he took the opportunity to emigrate to Britain and work as a labourer.

Like many of his ex-patriots from the Indian Subcontinent, our hero worked long hours, 6 or 7 days a week and lived in squalid conditions with 18-20 other migrant workers. In 1968, when our hero was 28 years of age, his wedding was arranged to a young Bengali girl from his home country. A year later, he became a father to a son.

If you think, our hero worked hard before, you should have seen him raise his game - he worked longer hours for little pay just to provide for his young family.

18 years and 5 more children later, our hero was losing his eldest son. He felt as if his family was falling apart. You see, in the desire to provide for his family, our hero forgot one thing - to be there with them, too. The only thing he could to was to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of his wife and children. Sound familiar?

Having never experienced a mum or dad to love, to argue with or to spend time with, our hero had no idea how to raise his kids. The only thing he got from his teenage kids, in his eyes, was disobedience. Not on a grand scale, but disobedience nonetheless. How could this happen to the once king of the jungle?

So as the years passed, the communication between our hero and his kids had been minimal and left at pleasantries. Even though his kids appreciated very little of it, our hero loved them dearly and still wanted to support them as best he could.

Recently, at the age of 67, our hero's eldest son landed himself in a bit of a financial mess through over-expansion of his company. His son had a broken marriage, too. So he turned to his parents to get the emotional leverage he needed to get back onto his feet again. In the next few months that followed, there were many awkward moments. Our hero's son wasn't sure how to manage their relationship - as they had very little in common to talk about or share.

However, they did have one thing in common - their love for spirituality, meditation and prayer. Our hero and son would visit their local mosque together before dawn most mornings as well as the evening prayers. At first, very little was said between the two. However, over time their communication strengthened. Whereas, initially, our hero said little or nothing to his son AND his son did the talking; today there is no stopping our hero from having conversations with his eldest. It's as if he was trying to make up for a lifetime of missed opportunities.

His son had felt that his dad was not there for him when he needed him in his teen years. Now, however, he felt that, not only had he made up for the lost years, his dad was there for him more than he could have ever wished for. Both father and son are now enjoying the most wonderful relationship that they could have ever wanted. Our hero won his son back and he has become the amazing dad all fathers yearn for.

In fact, he was always been an amazing dad. I know this to be true because 'our hero' is, in fact, my superhero - my dad. And I am forever grateful for having the honour of being his son.

Harun Rabbani

2007-07-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest challenges that parents have is to find the quality time to spend with their children. Well, here's a letter I recieved from a dear friend who's addressing a major concern for dads as well as mums:

This is an invitation to participate in an international task force conference call for all participants in Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness regional task forces, current and future. We invite you to invite others from your region, or nation, to join us and expand the list for this international call. As most of you know, research shows that obesity, illiteracy, violence and the breakdown of family and community are in part tied to our "addiction" to the myriad screens in our lives.

Many of you know that in September we will introduce Universal Screen-Time Reduction: A lifestyle for the 21st Century (USTR), a comprehensive program that addresses the Screen-Time issue and ways to master technology without becoming a prisoner of it.

This first national conference call will be an introduction to USTR, preparing those who are interested for the official announcements coming up in just a couple of months. We will have people from across the United States and around the world on this call, some from established task forces and others not yet established.

The conference takes place on Wednesday, August 1, 2007 at 11 AM EST. The call in number and code are as follows:

Call in number (USA) (712) 775-7100
Participant Access Code: 761547#

For more information on CSTA, please visit our website at www.screentime.org or feel free to contact me directly at rkesten@screentime.org or 202-333-9220.

If we are going to even the playing field in our efforts to challenge obesity, violence, illiteracy and pollution, while building functional families in vibrant communities, we must take on the electronic media that bombards us with mind numbing sensationalism, leaving us only more sedentary and solitary than at anytime in human history.

We are NOT opposed to technology or electronic media, games or the like. We are for balance and mastery of these tools, not dependence on them.

I thank you for your consideration and hope to hear from you on or before August 1st on the first official call of this task force.

Sincerely,

Robert Kesten
Executive Director
Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness

Daughters need their Dads too...

2007-07-14T03:46:00.000-07:00

This is a story of an amazing dad, Don Barlow, who's been bringing up his daughter alone.

"In January 1987, my wife of 12 years died from pancreatic cancer. This left me with the responsibility of raising my 8-year-old daughter alone. After the shock of my wife’s death, I became aware that I knew nothing about raising a daughter by myself. We had raised my wife’s two children and my two sons, and they were all living outside of the home.

During the grieving process, I sometimes wondered if the wrong parent had died. Mothers raise daughters. Fathers are supposed to financially support the family. Mothers are the nurturers; it had been that way in my family. Now, I had to learn a new role, one I hadn’t anticipated. I never knew what being a parent was about until I had to do it all myself.

I believe my daughter’s greatest fear initially was being left alone. She had already lost her mother. Would she lose me as well? Who would take care of her then? On one occasion she announced, “Dad, I know what you can get me for Christmas, and it won’t cost a cent. You can find me a new mom.”

It was too soon for me to consider taking such a step, but her question helped me to understand the depth of her need. She was hurting and she was scared. After the initial shock, denial and bargaining phases had run their courses, we worked through the lingering anger and depression and started to put our lives back together. When she was in elementary school, I became a “Room Father.” (When it was my turn to bring cookies, I could buy the dough in rolls, cut it into individual cookies and bake them.) I helped coach her softball team. I encouraged her involvement in church activities so she would be spiritually grounded. I enrolled her in charm school and we joined ballroom dancing classes together.

For cultural exposure, I involved her in our American Indian heritage. We attended and danced at Indian powwows. I signed her up for summer basketball camps and attended the awards ceremony at the end. I tried to be involved by balancing work and family. I passed up a job at a local university because of the position’s frequent out-of-state travel.

So many memories: the first date, graduations, basketball games at the arena, the first formal dance, her first prom dress, learning how to ride a bike, her Indian dancing. These things I will always treasure. The hard times: the day she broke her arm playing basketball. The death of her older sister five years ago.

My daughter is 23 years old now. Like any parent, I didn’t know it would turn out OK, until it did. It boiled down to this: Ultimately, the best gift I could give my daughter was my time, my love and my encouragement. Daughters need their fathers no matter what their age, and it’s never too late to start."

Harun Rabbani

The Story of the World's Strongest Dad

2007-07-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

Here's a story of one of the most amazing dads I've heard of. When I first learnt about the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt I was humbled beyond belief. Trust me. That is something that doesn't happen so easily!

At Rick’s birth in 1962 the umbilical cord coiled around his neck and cut off oxygen to his brain. Dick and his wife, Judy, were told that there would be no hope for their child’s development.

"It’s been a story of exclusion ever since he was born," said the father, Dick. "When he was eight months old the doctors told us we should just put him away — he’d be a vegetable all his life, that sort of thing. Well those doctors are not alive any more, but I would like them to be able to see Rick now."

The couple brought their son home determined to raise him as "normally" as possible. Within five years, Rick had two younger brothers, and the Hoyts were convinced Rick was just as intelligent as his siblings. Dick remembers the struggle to get the local school authorities to agree: "Because he couldn’t talk they thought he wouldn’t be able to understand, but that wasn’t true." The dedicated parents taught Rick the alphabet. "We always wanted Rick included in everything," Dick said. "That’s why we wanted to get him into public school."

A group of Tufts University engineers came to the rescue, once they had seen some clear, empirical evidence of Rick’s comprehension skills. "They told him a joke," said Dick. "Rick just cracked up. They knew then that he could communicate!" The engineers went on to build — using $5,000 the family managed to raise in 1972 - an interactive computer that would allow Rick to write out his thoughts using the slight head-movements that he could manage. Rick came to call it "my communicator." A cursor would move across a screen filled with rows of letters, and when the cursor highlighted a letter that Rick wanted, he would click a switch with the side of his head.

When the computer was originally brought home, Rick surprised his family with his first "spoken" words. They had expected perhaps "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad." But on the screen Rick wrote "Go Bruins." The Boston Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals that season, and his family realized he had been following the hockey games along with everyone else. "So we learned then that Rick loved sports," said Dick.

In 1975, Rick was finally admitted into a public school. Two years later, he told his father he wanted to participate in a five-mile charity run for a local lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, far from being a long-distance runner, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished next to last, but they felt they had achieved a triumph. That night, Dick remembers, "Rick told us he just didn’t feel handicapped when we were competing."

Now click here to see the more of this story. Enjoy!

Keep shining!

Harun Rabbani

The Simple things in life

2007-06-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

In October 2002, I split up from the love of my life and wife. Not only that, I was torn away from my 3 and 1 year old babies. Over the next 12 months, I was going through the most devastating period in my entire life. Fortunately, I found the strength to make sure that my boys experienced as little of their parents bitterness. In that time, my eldest son, Hamza, could 'feel' my emotions regardless of how well I tried to hide it. You see, he and I have always been very close.

We managed to make as much time for each other when they were with me. For the first time in my life, I got to experience the simple things that I'd not experienced with my own parents. We would always have meals together and make it a fun time. We would have races together on the way to the park; at the park and on the way back. My eldest is very competitive, whilst the younger one is more laid back. We would go swimming together and play games in the pool. I would tell them bed-time stories that I would make up as I would go along. They absolutely loved the stories over any children's books - probably because the heroes were always my two boys.

I'd also make a guest appearance in their story. Their mum would occassionally appear as a damsel in distress or Princess who they'd save from the clutches of the evil people from the dark side!

Even with all this going on, I kept questioning myself if I was a good enough dad. Was I being the best that I could be? Would I be that role model that they deserve? Would I be that superhero that I used to imagine my dad to be? In fact, was I just plainly good enough?

One evening, as my boys were climbing onto their bunk beds, Hamza said something that left me stumped for words (not something that happens to a professional speaker very often!) Whilst on his bunk-bed ladder, he turned his head round and looked me straight in the eyes and said,

"Abu (means 'dad')! You know how we can't always be with each other every day? Well, remember this: wherever I go, you are always in my heart."

I was gob-smacked. He was only four years old at the time. I then realised that, even though I did not teach him those words, I must have done something right in nurturing him to enable him to express his feelings like that. Perhaps, I am an OK dad after all. Maybe even amazing.

Harun Rabbani

Children with Absent Fathers are More Likely to Offend

2007-06-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

The general nature of this blog is to highlight the wonderful experiences created by amazing dads. However, it would be useful to remind ourselves of some of the consequences of NOT being an amazing dad.

Two weeks ago, I delivered a workshop to a group of 22 teenagers. 10 of the participants were considered as disruptive. 9 out of these 10 teenagers are from single parent families and have little contact with their fathers. The 10th one is from a home where he hardly sees his father. That got me thinking about how much of an impact dads have on children - the future of our society.

Here's a few stark facts about children without their dads.

- Children aged 11 to 16 years were 25% more likely to have offended in the last year if they lived in lone-parent families.61

- Young men from lone-parent families were 1.6 times as likely to be persistent offenders as those from two-natural-parent families. The effects of living in lone-parent families seem to operate indirectly, through reduced levels of parental supervision.

In focus group discussions, young people in prisons spoke frequently about disruption in their family lives and about their fathers’ absence. One discussion went as follows:

Interviewer: ‘I’ve just realised we’ve spent the whole time and nobody’s talked about dads.
’Teenager 1: ‘That’s because there’s no dads to talk about!
’Teenager 2: ‘We don’t need dads, at the end of the day a child needs its mum.’

Another young woman said: ‘…where I used to live…it’s like a rough, nasty area and you just see mums with six children, three kids, their boyfriend, not a dad. Kids grow up and they grudge other families…

These are just some of the raw facts about children with absent biological dads. This can apply to dads who are married but are never around. So, if you're a married father, you may just wish to think twice about the role you play as a dad.

Harun Rabbani